History of the World - Part III

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This page contains the events that happened in 2007, back when Dinosaurs still didn't make an appearance, but kind of hung around inside Darksatanic's head. For events in other years, see:

Historians retain the right to poetic license.

Contents

January 24th 2007: Mixology

Palantir News:

Lord Ignatz invites keen drinkers to take classes in Mixology. Apply in person at his retreat at 82E 52S. BYOB.

Also, a bug that gave martial arts twice their normal damage is finally fixed.

January 25th 2007: Sorting Office

Palantir News:

The Sorting Office has opened near Earth City. A must for disorganised adventurers.

February 10th 2007: Moo Moo Island

Moo Moo Island is discovered. It is inhabited by 'Justified' Ancients.

February 27th 2007: The Great Cities Database Crash.

Due to technical difficulties, the passwords of a large number of "newer" players are misplaced. Back-ups are finally retrieved on March 6th, 2007, at which time, some goldfish have starved to death. Some older players were able to summon a large number of players to holiday island to weather the storm in luxury. The 'King compensated affected individuals with a chit, eventually redeemable for, among other things, a pwny egg.

March 7th 2007: The Great Robbery

Political unrest reaches new heights. Citiezen Timekeeper was outraged to learn that his shop had been ran'sacked' while he was on vacation. Merchant and Gasoline (suspected alt) were caught on security palantirs making off with ~ 2 million GP and the entire inventory by selling a combined total of 840+ New Bags. Investigations quickly revealed that Timekeeper's shop monkey had not been retrained to account for the recent 90% drop in price of New Bags. Concerned Citiezens gathered together to discuss the proper actions while unruly mobs were seen harrassing the offenders with Polychromatic Dragons. 'King Elseware was quick to weight in on the tense situation:

Timekeeper. The council of great lords have found merchant innocent of illegal activity. Which is not to say we approve, but no laws were broken. However, Lord Ruthven has purchased all of your bags at 500GP. And you have one Boon from the council. This is a single request for an addition to the game, subject to our agreement and time.

Eventually the situation was defused, but rancour over the apparent inaction of the Great Lords was to reach a head later in the month.

March 26th 2007: Revolution (Again?)

The Insurgency fails to overthrow the Council. Ex-Presidents Clinton, Reagan, Nixon, and Gorbachev summon the 'King and Council (and Merchant - see above) to the Thieves Forest and attempt to rob them blind. Other players assist both sides in the ensuing struggle, and the insurgents eventually make off with a number of items, including the 'King's pwny Stomp and Ruthven's Cruel Death Wand. Ransom demands were publicly ignored and the instigators seem to have gone into hiding (or possibly removed their disguise kits). Stomp has reportedly succumbed to Stockholm Brighthelm Syndrome, and the stolen CDW has apparently worn out.

April 31 2007 Approx.: White Elephant

A new shop is created east of Water City: the White Elephant Shop. Whether inspired by PotatoEngineer's quest to collect everything, or made to spite it, the White Eggs sold there hatch into Elephants which are far more trouble than they're worth. Elephants eat like, um, elephants, add 6 to your move AP cost, and attack once per 6 hours (at best), though they hit like a gray, wrinkled freight train.

June 20th 2007 Approx.: Brian, Cat

New monster discovered: Cat that turns into a Scaredy Cat when attacked with large weapons. New quest: Brian - Armour training for iron armour.

June 20th 2007 Approx.: Wiki - Spam

The GLs retaliate to the onslaught of spam bots by reserving editing privileges to registered users. However, the bots quickly adapt and start creating bogus accounts.

June 29th 2007: Devil Went Down to Cities

Devil went down to Cities quest opened.

July 3rd 2007 Approx.: Moose

A prominent Citiezen reports that a Møøse bit his sister while traveling in the Frozen North.

July 11th 2007: Huge Reptile Spotted

The first Huge Reptile is spotted in the 'Kingdom. This new specimen baffles scientist for a few hours until it is slain by Sert the following day. Experts were quick to associate the slaughter of Thesauri to the attainment of wizardhood. New evidence remained elusive for weeks, and the only sightings resulted in immediate taxidermy (in the name of science). However, their natural habitat was soon identified and suspicions of wizardry were confirmed the following month.

July 17th 2007: Cattle Markets

Cattle Markets start buying beef-on-the-hoof.

July 25th 2007: Items +1, Guilds

New powerful alignment weapons, wands now break, more accurate types of wand and...

Something I hope you'll all find really exciting...

-Thus Spake 'King Elseware

Flaming, Onyx, Hydro, & Wind Swords. <Element> Wands +1 & +2. The first Guild, Order of the Wyrm is formed.

July 27th 2007 Approx: Ninja Island

The ninja decide to allow outsiders to learn their secrets. Citiezens can now learn the arts of Sais, Bos, and Nunchucks at their respective dojos on Ninja Island.

August 10th 2007: Now With Audio! Now Without!

Cities flirts with random links to the CD collection - occasionally, an MP3 from the CD collection would load up and try to play, interrupting the game and making life difficult for those who play at work. Greasemonkey scripts quickly quash the annoyance, and the "feature" is officially disable on the 12th.

Actually, there was a bug in it. The variable which started the redirect to play the CD music wasn't cleared at the start of a session, so if the last player to use the thread your request was being handled by had held a CD, you got their CD music, too. Obviously, the Brutish Phonographic Institute doesn't like this sort of sharing, and it got shut down...

August 21st 2007: Great Lord Andrew's Quest

New Sources of valuable Records have been dry for (presumably) months. Party hosting is no longer continuous, and the price of Records has reached ludicrous heights.

Great Lord Andrew is offering a BNWT party Rig. It's complete with all its packaging and no records have been lost. To acquire this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, you need to give Andrew ten copies of 'You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)' -- We know it's a high price to pay, but what with parties getting rarer and rarer, can you possibly afford not to?

Thog manages to scrape 10 YSMR copies together mid-September irritating a few prospective shamans.

August 24th 2007: Wiki - Accounts Freeze

Facing an ever-increasing influx of spam, and failing counter-measures, the GL's freeze the creation of new accounts on the wiki except by special request.

September 18th 2007: Ur-Kipple

The Ur-Kipple is placed in the Cities Dump and quickly rescued by jpv.

September 19th 2007: Pregnancy

Crazy Horse and Moneypwny become the first horsies successfully mated in captivity ever.

September 22nd 2007: Open Mic Night 4

Great Lord Yendor hosts the Harvest Festival. In light of the recent dearth of free parties, attending the festival has added benefits (AP regen). The reward for rocking out is increased field fecundity and the occasional falling star (Power Crystal Fields).

October 4th 2007: Neutral Planet Discovered - Reactions Tepid

The existence of a new area is announced. The Neutral Zone is discovered the following day, and kipple finds its use. The value of kipple rises slightly, then collapses like a black hole a few days later as innocent passers-by are waylaid at trading posts and inundated with several billion kipples apiece.

November 2nd 2007: Lycanthropy

The first case of lycanthropy is recorded. Citiezens are quick to point fingers at the GLs' recent forays into genetic engineering while religious fanatics blame the new disease on the increased attendance of pentacles, "[the] unholy sabbats where magi practice necromancy. The dead should stay dead! ...unless it's Jesus."

November 17th 2007: Kipple = Infinity

Dalgi manages to create an infinite amount of kipple, costing a combined total of ~14500 AP. Some scientists dismiss the claim as impossible, while others question whether the universe even exists anymore.

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