History of the World - Part IV

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This page contains the events that happened in 2008, back when Dinosaurs finally made an appearance (and were immediately wiped out by a horde of bloodthirsty Citiezens). For events in other years, see:

Historians retain the right to poetic license.


January 19th 2008: Inexplicable Collection Completed

After nearly a year's difficult work, Potato Engineer's Inexplicable Collection Quest is finally completed!

You know you've made it big when your exploits make it into the Official Cities History! PotatoEngineer 11:39, 21 January 2008 (GMT)

February 5th - February 12th 2008: First Mardi Gras Celebration

Mardi Gras is celebrated in Cities for the first time with reduced costs to wear Disguise Kits.

February 9th 2008: The Lost World

Geological activity opens a pass in the High Plateau; however, seismographs in Bognor fail to detect any disturbance. A mountaineering expedition from The Order of the Wyrm visits the area on the 13th and discovers The Lost World. This valley is inhabited by prehistoric creatures apparently isolated from the rest of the world since 1 million years B.C.E. (Before C. Elseware)

May 27th 2008: Reactive Armour, Toxicology, Lycanthropy Cure Found

The 'Kings Physicists stop playing with bits of string long enough to discover practical applications to quantum mechanics.

Herman the Hermit starts instructing Citiezens in the art of Toxicology. In another lucky break, Royal Medical Scientists develop a cure to lycanthropy. Two days later, Ravensdance demonstrates its effectiveness in the field by tackling a hirsute Greycat and curing him of werewolfism. Most werewolves are glad to be healed, but a few file assault charges.

July 4th 2008: Cities University and Vents Open

A branch of the University of Southampton opens east of Brighthelm. The Citiezen who discovers it summarily kills the university mascot.

But this doesn't raise much of a fuss amongst the locals, as The Vents - a passage into the Death Mountains - is discovered the same day. A goodly portion of the population promptly disappear into the Vents and isn't seen for weeks. Everyone else wonders why it just got so quiet.

July 6th 2008: Casino Goes Out of Business, Market Depreciation

Following protests by the Wowsers Society, the Lost Vagueness tavern and casino go out of business. No one seems to notice, probably because they are still in The Vents.

In a move to liquidate warehouse back-stock, e.g. that 18-month-old crate of once-cucumbers, the Markets begin slashing prices by 1% every Monday, Wednesday, & Friday at the start of business.

July 8th 2008: Earth City Dump Expands

The Dump at Earth City doubles in size. Local residents are outraged at the lack of consultation and want to know why, say, Fire City, couldn't have had a new dump installed instead. The Earth City Mayor looks uncomfortable and doesn't answer the question.

In a (probably unconnected) event, Witches appear in Oz and the Mines. The ones in the mines aren't discovered for quite some time, seeing as all the miners are still in the Vents.

July 11th 2008: Frozen South Discovered

Antarctic explorers discover the Farsi, Dragon Island, & The Frozen South. The populations of Northwich and Tresoddit - Great Lord Andrew's home town - don't seem surprised to see these new visitors, even though the explorers are surprised to see them. Northwich residents are delighted as new trade routes open - they have had difficulty securing a piano for an upcoming musical performance.

July 15th 2008: Pez, Deforestation

The world's only Pez Dispenser Dispenser is gifted by the 'King in a moving award ceremony, to the delight of little children and sugar addicts everywhere.

At around the same time craftsmen discover how to make new, more efficient axes that allow for the large-scale logging of timber, leaving nothing behind but stumps. But the wood can be turned into a Bird Cage, to send messages directly to the 'King.

A variety of new Tree Monsters come into existence: Oak, Hazel, Holly, Yew, Ash and Willow. A use isn't immediately discovered for their timber, but would-be (get it? haha!) loggers kill them anyway.

July 17th - 27th 2008: The Brutish Transport Tube System, Circumnavigation

On 17th July building sites are discovered that, after a feverish ten-day construction period by Cities labourers, open up as part of the new Brutish Transport Tube System. Access is granted by Oysters, which are able to be fished out of the sea with new Trawlers and a special kind of net.

The 'King is heard to mutter in disgust when the entire rail network is mapped within 24 hours of the first traveller gaining access.

Sorry! Phw

After spending two grueling, claustrophobic weeks in The Vents, certain 'draconian' Citiezens stretch their legs by circumnavigating the entire world.

July 21st 2008: HoGo discovered

The Horsie Genome Project is discovered. Cities' elite horsie breeders are excited, then disappointed to discover they need a lab coat before the HoGo staff will even talk to them.

July 26th 2008: Lab Coat Heist!

A prominent individual discovers that Great Lord Ruthven has a secret office in the Ancient Castle. A squad of adventurers gather and figure out the code to his door, swiping his lab coat. Others follow.

July 31st 2008: Jelly Fish Hunt Begins

Scientists advise that, in order to genotype a horsie, Jelly Fish will be required. A fleet of Trawlers set off to scour the seas for this elusive creature.

Three days later, the first jelly fish is discovered, as part of a school (properly termed a "smack" or a "fluther") of jelly fish north of the Coral Reef. Within 8 hours, all of the jelly fish are gone. Environmental experts say that, in this one bout of enthusiasm, the world's total population of jelly fish was reduced by 50%.

But the discovery of jelly fish does allow for the very first horsies to have their DNA sequenced on 3rd August.

August 7th 2008: Stats

Total AP Spent since records began: 78,352,819.

August 9-24th 2008: Royal Festival of Martial, Performance and Marital Arts

The Royal Festival of Martial, Performance and Marital Arts begins to much fanfare. All Citiezens receive a magic scroll from the 'King, declaring the festival open; they are also visted by a presumably drunk and confused Santa Claus, who gives them all a present that turns out to be one of Great Lord Ruthven's science experiments gone horribly wrong. It tastes good, though.

The Royal Race Around the World begins, and is won in an astonishing 37 minutes by Kaos Dragon. As another competitor remarks early on, "I am honored to feel your vapours!" Kaos Dragon is showered with gifts by an astonished 'King Elseware.

Venues spring up around the northern continent, primarily centred on the Royal Palace. A jousting event proves to be very popular, with BortJr declared by the 'King to be the Royal Champion. Sculptures are erected around the world, and the Royal Charity Auction raises hundreds of pounds for charity and results in a number of new locations and items.

The third birthday of the Cities-verse on 15th August is marked by the distribution of birthday cake to all.

Two strange entities, the Unicorn and the Dark Knight, calling themselves mortal enemies, appear and begin to confuse and delight the patrons of the festival.

August 10th, 2008: Caroline Island

Caroline Island is discovered, complete with its own pirate radio station. Geologists, Volcanologists, & (oft-ridiculed) Vulcanologists agree the island was formed when a superheated chamber of Cute erupted through the sea floor in an explosion of pink, fuzzy bunnies. Tourists should be forewarned that the background level of Cute on the island is still extremely high.

August 15th, 2008: Minrilax, Familiar

The first minrilax vein is discovered in the Mines. Also, a fierce warrior, overcome with guilt, takes pity on the orphaned Familiar of a recently deceased witch and decides to adopt it.

August 17th, 2008: Jessica's Tower

Princess Jessica commemorates the 3rd anniversary of her imprisonment. Secret adherents of The 'Princess mark the day in silence, counting the hours until she rises to retake the throne.

August 20th, 2008: Pet Auto-feeding

Many citiezens experience extreme consternation as their pets learn to indiscriminately gorge themselves when they become hungry enough.

August 21st, 2008: The Great Pet Resurrection

The news spreads throughout the 'Kingdom:

After a few false starts due to a serious hangover, the 'King has perfected a spell to ressurect his dead goldfish. However, it seems the containment field may have leaked a little and ALL pets just got ressurected. A huge croud has already formed at the suddenly very noisy pet cemetary!

Every dead pet in the game springs to life, not the least bit evil from their time being dead. There is much rejoicing and a little bit of consternation by those that may have replaced beloved pets with new, equally beloved pets - who were now facing the prospect of having to decide which one they loved most.

August 22nd, 2008: Flying Party

In a bout of drunken inspiration, a group of high-ranking wizards and master armourers manage to pursuade a small villa to forgo gravity. The Flying Party, while only intended as a temporary diversion, soon reaches self-sufficiency as it begins raiding liquor stores and avocado farms throughout the 'Kingdom.

August 28th, 2008: Pet Dragons, Hamsters, Trains

Royal Biologists, in collaboration with the University of Southampton's Animal Husbandry department, succeed in domesticating Pet Dragons* and Hamsters. In a show of appreciation of their philanthropy during the Royal Charity Auction & in recognition of their numerous contributions in the field of genetics, three breeding pairs of dragons and hamsters are bequeathed to Naath and ford_prefect, respectively.

Tired of waiting for the next train, an irate vigilante rampages throughout the Underground repairing Information Points in an attempt to understand the train schedules. Other, less fashionable, citiezens are unconcerned with learning time tables and instead content themselves with Trainspotting.

* Of course, the dragons just want you to think they're domesticated...

Graduate students are no longer a primary source of food. I say that's close enough.

September 1st, 2008: Taxing Cellar, Katamari

'Huzzahs' are heard from Cities' moneyed elite as the Taxing Cellar opens. The cheers quickly turn to groans as numerous valuables, some nigh irreplaceable, are required to progress to the Ultimate Altar of Earth. Meanwhile, a Katamari is reported travelling between the 'Kingdom's main cities, agglomerating objects foolish enough to get in its way. Adventurers who have braved the Taxing Cellar can win glory by appeasing the Katamari's appetite by aggregating requested items.

September 17, 2008: Sniffleheim, Magic Mountain

Ravensdance unveils his latest discovery in the Frozen South - the mystical land of Sniffleheim. The land, created in response to philanthropy during the Royal Charity Auction, is quickly overrun by adventurers with too much AP on their hands, and the inhabitants are wiped out under a rain of sword blows and Quarrels.

In addition to Huge, Giant, and Mutant ice creatures, Sniffleheim is discovered to contain the Magic Mountain, home of Longbrow, master of the amazingly powerful practice known as Eyebrow-fu. Unfortunately, no flags are spotted anywhere near the mountain, but adventurers can still learn Longbrow's mighty arts.

September 24th, 2008: New Interface

The new interface eliminates the giant drop-down list of all items and instead divides the list by categories shown on an as-needed basis. Also included are new quickdraw button functionality & a recently used items list.

October 6th, 2008: Repeat Action

In further efforts to reduce server-load, an in-game button masher is created.

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