Marching Morons Society

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I've created this page as a place for Cities players to document some of their more idiotic exploits in the game. Feel free to contribute your own for posterity. Add your tales of shame to the top of the page please. (that way mine won't keep being the first one everybody sees when they wander in here)


The White Elephant of Shame

If you happen to see me riding a white elephant named "Shame", and were wondering why.. Well, one careless click during my recent obsession with cucumber sandwich making, led to the only reasonable purchase I could think of:

Master Armourer amishrobots says:
'Oh,, son OF A BITCH!!!!!!!!!.....................................
Does anyone want some buns? Because I've just made 90 of them, on a brown cow drinking binge.. 
Don't suppose anyone's got a pet elephant laying around? no, of course not. ..'
Master Armourer amishrobots disappears in a wisp of fog.
Master Armourer amishrobots says 'this is not at all what I wanted...'

Stinky Undead Dragon

One of my proudest moments of (intentional) stupidity: [Stinky!]


Just happened to be passing by the School of Hard Knocks, and as I hadn't been in a while, I had a good stockpile of goodies, so I thought, 'why not?'...only after I hit the button for training did I realize I had lost the 1900 or so HP I had gathered whilst wearing a Wooly Hat...and yes, the Wooly Hat has long since been nicked...cheese 04:20, 11 August 2010 (GMT)


running through the theive's forest on my way to the dojo for some martial arts training. I come across a jabberwock. Not sure if this theory is true; but somewhere i've got the idea that the less hits it takes you to kill them, the more leather they yield. Well, i don't seem to have a vorpal blade atm, hmm, well how bout a glass sword? I'ts not like i need the leather for anything in particular; probably just sell it, but eh what the heck, its not like i'm likely to have any great need for a glass sword anytime soon. Ooh! cool! 5 pieces of leather that i don't really need for anything, huh, i guess that was my only glass sword; oh well, no biggie. 5 mins later at the dojo; "This is a martial arts training centre. The teacher comes all the way from Ninja Island! Have you obtained a Glass Sword yet?" AmishRobots 06:57, 29 August 2009 (BST)


You purchase 100 Earth Talismans for 20000 Gold.
You lose 20000 Gold Pieces.
You gain 100 Earth Talismans.
I wanted Stones. Zoological 05:23, 29 October 2007 (GMT)


--AmishRobots 01:28, 11 April 2007 (BST) So I finally decided to use my newly learned stealing skills in the Thieve's forest, just to see how it worked. Got myself some very nice bronze ores from another player. Also got killed... By a Piece of Wood! Note to self: do not try stealing when your HP level is at ONE. I'd've had better luck just mining.

--AmishRobots 01:28, 11 April 2007 (BST) Looking at the time, i realized i had a standing stone i could worship at. But I didn't have the required fire stone, and a bit low on AP, so, i broke tali for fire city. There I found a nice pirate hat to steal, halving the already low cost of fire stones at magic mork's. Then off to water city and down to the dragon pass nearest stone #vi. Soon it was 12:48, and i was only 7 or 8 squares away from my destination, at 8 AP but with a damn mountain in the way. But nearby was a wizard's tower, so i thought, "what the heck! i'll just dose up with a little magic powder and be there in no time!". -3ap -3hp later i arrive at the standing stone, fire stone in hand, all ready to worship. No prob, thought I; we can just do a hard knocks or two, and eventually completing the stones quest will give us more AP anyway...
You are welcome at standing stone VI. Use a Stonegate to Stone...
Apparently some idiot forgot to update his standing stone checklist page on the wiki. Or check his "me" page, for that matter.
--AmishRobots 19:46, 15 April 2007 (BST) Bernie (water aligned) thought it would be fun to ride in an ambulance. Then Bernie thought it would be fun to get off the ambulance. At the Temple of Water. Bernie can't swim. Now he's surrounded by water monsters. They are all laughing at him. Now bernie wishes there were an option to drown.
--AmishRobots 11:50, 17 April 2007 (BST) Perfect Caffeination + Tired User = Perfect Stupidity:
having finally acheived perfect caffeination by gulping down some 20 or so cups of coffee all in one go; I realized that i suddenly had 100 extra ap to play with. and 30 more cups of coffee without tolerance besides! checking my standing stones list, i realised i had time to nail one more stone if i just had a jar of plum jam. So from fire city i tali'd off to earth city, ran down to the eastern market where plum jam was cheapest, then ran screaming through the woods towards the interior, slaying monsters left and right while downing still yet more endless mugs of coffee. After beating up a few hippies and stoners, and changing direction a few times, i found the nearest pass, and slaughtered my way through the interior towards my prize, doing untold damage to my caffeine tolerance along the way. finally, i made it to the standing stone with 10 mins time and barely 15ap to spare. That was when a horrible realization dawned upon me; Read it again and you'll notice I didn't say that I actually /bought/ the plum jam! I cried so hard that Lord Yendor gave me a cookie.

I've done that before... it's a bad feeling Zoological 09:33, 28 October 2007 (GMT)


Two phrases: a Large Mimic and a BB gun.

haha, I did you one better. I didn't check, and thought I could kill a water aligned mimic with one volly from my water bow. I was fire aligned. Hello Fire Shrine. copperisblue

When I first opened my stall, I took a look at the market price for old boots, and thought there might be a market I could exploit now that spellcasting used boots. I bought for a 40% discount, sold for a 20% discount.... and promptly lost 67,000GP when somebody unloaded 67 old boots at 1000 apiece.


07:31, 11 April 2007 (BST): Within five minutes of leaving the Terrestrial Microwave Transmission Media party, I had a near-death experience, saved by the same "feature" that caused it in the first place. (Playing just to burn the AP was another contributing factor.) That should have been a signal I was too bored/tired to play, but I never notice the warning signs until too late. Broke an air talisman, taroted a Treeman, walked right past the healer on the way over, and promptly got myself killed. Now that's a good way to burn AP fast!

After working for two days in the fields, Scrumbucket still had enough AP to drink some coffee and avenge himself. He claims he would wipe all treemen from the face of the Earth, but was already trying to do that when he got killed. "I'm building a speedboat and going to R'1yeh!" he said.

08:40, 9 January 2008 (GMT): I like to pull tribbles out of my bag a few at a time to feed my ferret. Today, I had 4 left over and most of my expensive food was safely tucked away, so I didn't bother putting them back in the bag. Guess what I forgot?

You lose a Fruit Cake.
You gain a Tribble.

Now guess what I forgot when I baked another five days later. Someone shoot me, please.

The Button Masher Saga

Extremely Early Morning, 20 July 2008: I wanted to burn some Holiday Island AP fast so I could get up to Cloudland to find some diamonds to feed my pet troll who was getting hungry. Being on the beach, I decided to gather lots of sand. So I fired up Button Masher and... wow that was fast. Oh yeah, it's 300 AP, not 30. OK, Watson was at 34% or so, and I only lost 10 hours there. It'll be fine. I'll just reload the page and quit Firefox so BM doesn't keep going.
Later (Early Afternoon):
You gain 5 Stones.
You gain 2 Pounds of Poop.
You gain 5 Stones.
You gain 100 Units of Sand.
You gain 3 Pounds of Poop.
You gain 2500 Units of Sand.
You gain 4 Pinches of Salt.
You have run out of action points. Try checking back later today, or tomorrow.
Your current action points: -257
Your action points regenerate every 7.5 minutes.
Your next action point will regenerate in 32 hours, and 11 minutes and 47 seconds before AP above zero.
Are we there yet?
Several things occured to me, in rapid succession:
  • I've got like 40 more batches of sand queued up. That was only 10 and I started out with about 3000 AP, so how long... Oh, god.
  • I have 20 measures of serenity but I can't get at them!
  • There would be two parties going on, neither of which will help because I haven't joined!!
  • I guess I should have cleared my cookies, or maybe, y'know, TURNED OFF GREASEMONKEY?
  • Dammit! No shells.
32 Hours Later:
I got back just in time to catch Watson at 0%. Thank God I had one magic emerald and several measures of serenity in my pack.

Spacer one

Not sure if this one counts, but I felt sheepish...Attacked a Big Downer with a glass sword, Missed and had him turn the glass sword into a lump of glass...

Same thing happened to me with my freshly acquired midas wand some time ago. Eusebia 22:45, 15 April 2007 (BST)


'Your Air Catana converted to about 1 gold.' says the Alchemist.
You lose an Air Catana.
You gain a Gold Piece.


So, today I decided I would bag a Shrieking Harpy. I had no pins and they were surprisingly scarce on the Southern market, but I did manage to wrangle up about 17 of them.

Now using Bowling Permit.

You lose a Bowling Permit. You lose 10 Pins. Commence bowling!

Now using Time Warp.

AAAARGH!!!!!!! Again.

Master Armourer Sy

During my stint in the gauntlet (many eons ago), I tried to midas-wand a living tar. He gleefully ate it :(


Right after hunting down a Huge Reptile and burning 5 or 6 Universal Solvents...

You attack the Tripod.
You cause 2000 points of damage, and receive 60000 experience.
Your Plot Device (1000 91%) has worn out.
You lose a Plot Device.

I think I've had enough for the night. 01:11, 15 January 2008 (GMT)


The other day I decided I needed to flame-broil a Large Living Tar. From my handy Level 1 Spell Book, I cast a Fire-Ball Spell. Then I attacked the Large Living Tar. Without, um, first selecting the Fire Ball. The sound of the Living Tar happily digesting my Level 1 Spell Book was not exactly pleasing to my ear. -- Sertularian 03:26, 15 January 2008 (GMT)


<Albert> >> The Ninja has just killed Sgt. Duke Riff Raff MD in the Thieves' Forest.
<Alberta> Riff Raff, noooooooo!
<darkling> Oh, fuck.
<darkling> Handy hint: *EAT* the beefsteak, don't hit the fucking ninja with it.


I know - i'll join the dual and compleate time and space together........ dam sister, out of my way, Nooo!! Not my Glass Sword!  !sob!


This happened when I was attempting to circumnavigate the world. Upon passing by the Hard Knocks School I decide to take a few long awaited lessons. And then, anxious to get back to the 'King, I start crossing the desert with no water and 5 HP... I didn't make it through--Solune 08:22, 11 October 2008 (BST)


I mashed the big button that said Close Vault, instead of the big button that said Exit Vault. OH NOES!!! A complete record of my loss: Bling Bling x 3, Bling of Fire x 8, Bling of Ice x 4, Diamond Bling x 2, Emerald Bling x 1, Feathered Bling x 6, Ghastly Bling x 1, Glowing Sun Stone Bling x 3, Healing Bling x 5, Horizontal Bling x 4, Iron Bling x 1, Major Healing Bling x 6, Mercury Bling x 3, Misril Bling x 2, Moon Stone Bling x 2, Onyx Bling x 7, Opal Bling x 4, Ruby Bling x 3, The One Bling x 1, Vertical Bling x 1. That's right, 67 bling in total. Count me Grand Master of the next Marching Moron Parade. --Tiltowait 13:33, 27 October 2008 (GMT)

At least there was no gold bling in there! :) Syagrius 17:09, 27 October 2008 (GMT)

It turned out to be a two-fer. A few days later I neglected to equip a mirror while harvesting my latest Gorgon head. 36,000,000 XP gone in an instant. When will I learn. --Tiltowait 14:07, 13 November 2008 (GMT)


 <Corellis>	Møøses deal an insane amount of damage, no?
 <Isambard>	Mooses do 50 damage, so a giant mutant moose would do 450 or something.
 <Isambard>	900 if it's ice aligned.
 <corellis>	this is a huge mutant moose. 
 <Albert>	>> The Huge Mutant Møøse has just killed Sgt. Duke Corellis MD in sniffleheim.
 <Alberta>	Corellis, noooooooo!
 <corellis>	damnit. 
 <Isambard>	I warned you.

When it doubt, golden gun it out. First death in Sniffleheim goes to me! -- Corellis 21:09, 28 October 2008 (EST)

Not that it's really anything to brag about, but I died in Sniffelheim at the end of September... :( Rhapsodie 06:15, 19 December 2008 (GMT)

Never, ever, ever, EVER attack a tortoise until you're sure it's eating. And pay attention to the title of the stupid amphibian; the cost to learn this lesson was 6 daemonic great swords and 2 furious bows. 2!! 21:15, 25 March 2009 (EST)


Went to monster island to change my alignment to earth, decide to walk around and kill a few things with my trusty furious bow:

You attack the Sgt. Duke Che MD.
You cause 128 points of damage, and receive 98304 experience. Your Furious Bow (128 10x99%) has worn out.
You lose a Furious Bow. You lose a Quarrel.
Tiburon misses the Large Mimic.
Bubbles misses the Large Mimic.
The Sgt. Duke Che MD attacks 10 times.
The Sgt. Duke Che MD causes 192 points of damage.
The Sgt. Duke Che MD causes 192 points of damage.
The Sgt. Duke Che MD kills you.
You have died.
You are carried off by a team of Valkyries to the Plain of Idavoll, and Valhalla.

S. Mackie

I took my time about it. Not for just anything would I join the Marching Morons, oh no! It had to be good.
I'm error-prone. A damn miracle I've avoided this page for so long, but here it goes:

The Ninja disarms you.
You lose a Gold Bling.
The disarm causes 10 points of damage.

This happened twice before I understood what was going on. 06:11, 5 January 2009 (GMT)


I just attacked a zu warrior with my Level 3 spell book by mistake. Thought (probably not) that I'd changed back to fire balls after casting AMOK. Got disarmed, bye bye spell book ;( Didbert 01:25, 12 November 2008 (GMT)

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