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Image:Smallstone.GIF Stonecutter
This user is a proud member of
The Sacred Order of Stonecutters.


Jon's Shop

My shop is located at on the 13th floor of Darth Mall. We're one of the oldest surviving shops and among the widest selections in the area. Please stop by for a peek at our wares and let one of our appraisers make an offer on your old items.

Current plan of action

Immediately soon - Raising my pets, getting reacquainted with the world, being awesome

Sometime down the road - I don't know. Maybe tackle some monster kill league tables.

Long term - Being the old man sitting on the front porch outside his store, smoking his pipe and telling stories about having been around when there were actual fireflies....

Notable Achievements (bragging)

  • I killed the first Kraken in the game:
You attack the The Kraken.
You lose 101241 Gold Pieces.
You cause 50000 points of damage, and receive 750000 experience.
You slay the The Kraken.

I am the bigger boat. -Jon

Goddamn it! I make a stupidly powerful monster which was going to require tons of quests to defeat and by the time I wake up somebodies killed it. Right. You fukcers wait. I'll fix you all. Wait until you set sail in your tiny little boats. Elseware 09:35, 30 Nov 2005 (GMT)
Actually, I killed two of them. -Jon
  • Had my idea of opening a Kraken Shack down on the beach implemented.
  • I can't prove this, but I strongly suspect I killed the last Fire Fly in the game. This may get more negative publicity than the Pirate Hat thing.
  • I was single-handedly responsible for the nerfing of Pirate Hats. Maybe I shouldn't remind people of that bit.
  • I completed the Totems quest in an hour and 13 minutes.
  • I was the first person to ride in the taxis 100 times. Blame Droll, he keeps toppling me from the top of the league table. I will be the taxiest!
  • Best Phoenix kill to date: Generation 82. The goal is still 100.
  • My base to hit is 148%.
  • Figured out how to get into Ignatz's Pool!
  • Bagged a Flying Spaghetti Monster the same day they were first sighted.
  • Dined on more cucumber sandwiches than I can even speculate about.
  • Haven't missed a single party yet.
  • Best Skull Gull kill I've managed? Well, I have a Blessed Sword (Skull Gull Bane) and had opposite aligned the chap when I got him down to a little over 16k HP. I sacrificed a Glass Sword, then switched to a Daemonic Sword to finish him off (emphasis by me): The sword slurps up the life blood...You lose a Daemonic Sword. You gain a Daemonic Great Sword. You slay the Skull Gull. You gain a whole huge pile of blah blah blah. You gain 2 Glass Swords. You gain some more blah blah blah.
  • After spending time in the vents with Tiltowait, VizhiGoth and Karl West... You worship at the shrine and gain Mastery of Air! +100 MaxAP, -30s AP Delay. You may also now gain glory by mighty travels! You say 'It's been a long and arduous journey. There were times when the hunger nearly forced me to eat the flesh of my companions. But after many travels, we have arrived. And now I bid you good luck and good day sirs!' ... net effect is that my maxAP and maxHP are now both over 1000!
  • Added around 400 new taxis to the game inadvertently.

Tribble Breeding Tips

This section has been moved to Rough Guide to Tribble Breeding. Thanks to everyone who showed support when I was making coats!


This is a list of which quests I still have not done. Alignment Quests - Cure Poison, Ultimate Altar of Earth, Aggregation,

Knight Quests - Done.

Thief Quests - Completed.

Northern Quests - Ruthven's Office, Quantum Mechanic.

Frozen South Quests - Piano to Northwich.

Armour Training - Brian.

Foraging - I think I'm done these, just need to stop back and make sure I did the Toxicology one.

Underground Quests - Up to date.

Wizard Quests - Not doing.

Armourer Quests - Not doing (although I was technically a Smith for about 10 minutes).

Trains - Information Point and Trainspotting Guild

Pets - Horsie Genome Project (probably not gonna do this one)

Other Quests - Done except Harvey Farm, Advanced Martial Arts, Mixology, Longbrow's Cave, Compute-Cluster and the Drunken Party. I've also never done a Cattle Drive or had Lycanthropy.


Cucumber Sandwiches - I don't eat these anymore. After raising my AP over 1000, I just can't stand the taste anymore
Potion of Accuracy - I thought I needed 20 to get any effect, but I believe they've been nerfed to 11 max, in which case I'm done.
Grams of Spice - I need to get to the clinic.
Caffeine - Maxed!

Favorite Hunting Spots

Phoenix - 39E, 29N. There's a desert to the West and a Healer to the East.


Christmas 2005 - See Invisible
Christmas 2006 - Higher Max AP (raised me 28 points - woop woop!)
Elseware's Birthday 2007 - Higher Max AP (another 28 points of stuff to do!)
Christmas 2007 - Higher Max AP (27 points this time!)
Martial, Performance and Marital Arts - Well, we know what it's gonna be, but I haven't used it yet.

Latest round at Hard Knocks

You lose 14000 Gold Pieces.
You lose 28 Triffid Stings.
You lose 56 Crocodile Scales.
You lose 56 Phoenix Feathers.
You lose 28 Roc Rocks.


Wyrd is my staff Shaman
Aazamon is an armorer with a bad moon rising who likes long walks on the beach and sweating by the forge.

Poison Hand

  • My monsatery is at 73E 81N DSSGCM
  • Fights so far
05-Ice Camel
08-Earth Dragon
11-Earth Worm
12-Bloody Big Bat
13-Rattle Snake
14-Mud Man
15-Big n0rx
17-17 Gulls
19-Small Fire Dragon
20-Aurora Borealis
21-Small Scissor Beast
22-Slow Worm
23-Quite Small Asteroid
24-Living Tar
28-Field Mouse
30-King Cobra
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