User:Phw/CoolStuff

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Contents

Cool stuff

Treasure Chests

Disappointment and Joy

My First Treasure Chest. Imagine my disappointment when the message box showed me:

You open the chest...
You lose a Treasure Chest.
You gain an Air Talisman.
You gain an Arrow.
You gain a Gold Piece.

It got better though:

You gain a Mirror.
You gain 5000 Gold Pieces.
You gain an Iron Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.
Now using Fists.

Olive Beards Treasure

You gain a Water Bow.
You gain a Magic Mining Permit.
You gain 22000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a The One Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Puce Beards Treasure

You gain a Copy of 'Relax'.
You gain a Plan for a Boat.
You gain a Copy of 'Macho Man'.
You gain a Major Healing Spell.
You gain 9000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Feathered Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Green Beards Treasure

You gain a Short Sword.
You gain a Daemonic Letter Opener.
You gain a Copy of I Will Fear No Evil.
You gain an Arrow.
You gain a Gold Piece.
You gain a Magic Opal.
You gain 25000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Glowing Sun Stone Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Gray Beards Treasure

You gain a Copy of 'Vogue'.
You gain a Fire Sword.
You gain 2000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Ghastly Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Peach Beards Treasure

You gain a Water Sword.
You gain a Copy of 'Strong Enough'.
You gain an Archers Charm Spell.
You gain a Ruby Slipper.
You gain 13000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Major Healing Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Royal Beards Treasure

You gain an Arrow.
You gain a Water Bow.
You gain 2000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Major Healing Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Silver Beards Treasure

You gain 23000 Gold Pieces.
You gain an Opal Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Lavendar Beards Treasure

You gain a Can of Wyrms.
You gain 10000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Mercury Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Brown Beards Treasure

A beef steak? Who buries a beef steak? A dog?

You gain a Beef Steak.
You gain 19000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Glowing Moon Stone Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Turquoise Beards Treasure

You gain a Copy of 'Vogue'.
You gain 4000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Horizontal Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Lime Beards Treasure

You gain 17 Arrows.
You gain a Mirror.
You gain 3000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Bling of Ice.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Teal Beards Treasure

You gain a Copy of 'Vogue'.
You gain a Hurt 'em Spell.
You gain a Pair of Kraken Trainers.
You gain 15000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Watch Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Fuschia Beards Treasure

You gain a Sixteenth of the Moon.
You gain a Sharp Sword.
You gain 12000 Gold Pieces.
You gain an Emerald Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Ivory Beards Treasure

You gain a Fire Sword.
You gain 4000 Gold Pieces.
You gain an Emerald Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Magenta Beards Treasure

You gain an All or Nothing Spell.
You gain a Copy of 'Strong Enough'.
You gain 9000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a The One Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Lavendar Beards Treasure (again)

You gain a Bowling Permit.
You gain a Copy of 'Where Is My Man'.
You gain 5000 Gold Pieces.
You gain an Iron Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Burgundy Beards Treasure

You gain 29 Arrows.
You gain an Earth Sword.
You gain 7000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Bling of Fire.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Navy Beards Treasure

You gain a Copy of 'Vogue'.
You gain 20000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Bling of Fire.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Yellow Beards Treasure

You gain a Copy of 'Lady Marmalade'.
You gain 25000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Horizontal Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Chartreuse Beards Treasure

You gain a Hurt 'em Spell.
You gain a Copy of 'Relax'.
You gain an Earth Bow.
You gain 6000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Bling of Ice.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Rose Beards Treasure

You gain 10000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Bling of Fire.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Tangerine Beards Treasure

You gain 2000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Ruby Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Turquoise Beards Treasure

You gain a Plan for a Caravel.
You gain an Align All to Water Spell.
You gain an Earth Sword.
You gain a Rend Fabric of Space Spell.
You gain 12000 Gold Pieces.
You gain an Emerald Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

White Beards Treasure

You gain 31 Arrows.
You gain 24000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Watch Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Black Beards Treasure

You gain a Bind Elemental Spell.
You gain a Hat Trick Spell.
You gain 8000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Vertical Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Magenta Beards Treasure

You gain a Bow.
You gain a Copy of 'Over the Rainbow'.
You gain an Align All to Air Spell.
You gain 38 Arrows.
You gain 26 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Ruby Slipper.
You gain 20000 Gold Pieces.
You gain an Onyx Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Pink Beards Treasure

You gain a Copy of The Cat Who Walks Through Walls.
You gain 99 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Hill Fort Permit.
You gain a Pair of Firefly Trainers.
You gain 14000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Feathered Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Grey Beards Treasure

You gain a Copy of 'It's Raining Men'.
You gain an Empty Mug.
You gain 75 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Copy of 'Macho Man'.
You gain 2 Copies of 'Where Is My Man'.
You gain a Fire Sword.
You gain a Card: The Tower.
You gain 7000 Gold Pieces.
You gain an Emerald Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Fuchsia Beards Treasure

You gain a Fire Sword.
You gain 15000 Gold Pieces.
You gain an Opal Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Beige Beards Treasure

You gain a Pair of Beer Goggles.
You gain a Copy of 'Relax'.
You gain 20000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Vertical Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Violet Beards Treasure

You gain a Copy of I Will Fear No Evil.
You gain a Mug of Coffee (proper).
You gain 86 Gold Pieces.
You gain an Earth Wand.
You gain 6000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Bling of Ice.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Tan Beards Treasure

You gain an Annoyance.
You gain 18 Arrows.
You gain 23 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Copy of 'Where Is My Man'.
You gain a Water Wand.
You gain 23000 Gold Pieces.
You gain an Onyx Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

The Dark Grey Pearl

You gain a Water Sword.
You gain a Plan for a Caravel.
You gain 4000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Diamond Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Teal Beards Treasure

You gain a Copy of 'Over the Rainbow'.
You gain a Second-Aid Spell.
You gain 10000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Bling of Fire.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Black Beards Treasure

You gain an Air Sword.
You gain a Copy of 'Relax'.
You gain 24000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Moon Stone Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Tan Beards Treasure

You gain a Blessed Sword.
You gain a Copy of 'Macho Man'.
You gain 21000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Moon Stone Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Ivory Beards Treasure

You gain a Cursed Sword.
You gain 3000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Ruby Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Magenta Beards Treasure

You gain a Copy of 'Vogue'.
You gain a Water Wand2.
You gain 18 Arrows.
You gain 3000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Watch Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Magenta Beards Treasure

You gain a Copy of 'Where Is My Man'.
You gain an Earth Bow.
You gain 5000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Ruby Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Red Beards Treasure

You gain a Copy of 'Strong Enough'.
You gain 2 Copies of 'Over the Rainbow'.
You gain a Sword of Omens.
You gain 21 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Water Knife.
You gain a Fleeting Strength Spell.
You gain a Copy of 'Man! I Feel Like A Woman!'.
You gain 25000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Ruby Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Magenta Beards Treasure

You gain a Barbelith Talisman.
You gain a Mystic Aim Spell.
You gain a Can of Wyrms.
You gain 11 Arrows.
You gain 76 Gold Pieces.
You gain 16000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Bling of Fire.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Orange Beards Treasure

You gain a Plans for a Speed Boat.
You gain a More-Compressed Fire Spell.
You gain a Shield Spell.
You gain 13000 Gold Pieces.
You gain an Iron Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Yellow Beards Treasure

You gain a Water Sword.
You gain a Fast Defence Spell.
You gain 19000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Feathered Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Peach Beards Treasure

You gain a Copy of 'Vogue'.
You gain an Align Water Spell.
You gain a Clockwork Orange.
You gain 23000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Diamond Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Lime Beards Treasure

You gain a Pair of Kraken Trainers.
You gain 22000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Misril Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Rose Beards Treasure

You gain a Can of Wyrms.
You gain a Glasses Spell.
You gain 39 Arrows.
You gain a Fire Sword.
You gain 4000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Bling of Ice.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Violet Beards

You gain a Plan for a Caravel.
You gain a Pimp Cane.
You gain 26 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Mysterious Envelope.
You gain a Morning Star.
You gain a Shield Spell.
You gain 11000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Bling of Ice.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Chartreuse Beards Treasure

You gain a Copy of 'Vogue'.
You gain 22000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Horizontal Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Tan Beards Treasure

You gain a Pair of Beer Goggles.
You gain a Copy of 'Over the Rainbow'.
You gain a Sharp Sword.
You gain 7000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Misril Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Violet Beards Treasure

You gain a Stall Permit (6 items).
You gain a Copy of Friday.
You gain a Hurt 'em Spell.
You gain a Water Bow.
You gain a Void Calling Spell.
You gain 14000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Feathered Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Violet Beards Treasure

You gain a Copy of 'Where Is My Man'.
You gain 14000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Bling Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Beige Beards Treasure

You gain a Copy of 'Strong Enough'.
You gain a Copy of 'Mamma Mia'.
You gain 16000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Vertical Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Green Beards Treasure

You lose a Treasure Chest.
You gain 18000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Gold Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum

Rose Beards Treasure

You gain a Copy of The Cat Who Walks Through Walls.
You gain 9000 Gold Pieces.
You gain an Opal Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Silver Beards Treasure

You gain an All or Nothing Spell .
You gain a Copy of 'Where Is My Man'.
You gain 8000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Diamond Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Lavender Beards Treasure

You gain a Copy of Time Enough for Love.
You gain 19000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Misril Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Ivory Beards Treasure

You gain a Plan for a Survey Vessel.
You gain a Bowling Permit.
You gain 10000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Bling of Ice.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Lavender Beards Treasure

You gain an Impending Kick Spell.
You gain a Magic Mining Permit.
You gain 6000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Healing Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Black Beards Treasure

You gain a Space Rocket.
You gain an Air Wand2.
You gain 12000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Gold Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Lime Beards Treasure

You gain a Can of Wyrms.
You gain 16000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Ruby Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Cyan Beards Treasure

You gain a Water Sword.
You gain a Copy of 'Man! I Feel Like A Woman!'.
You gain 4000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Horizontal Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Puce Beards Treasure

You gain an Amp
You gain a Copy of 'Over the Rainbow'
You gain a Copy of 'Where Is My Man'
You gain 7000 Gold Pieces
You gain a Bling of Ice
You gain a Bottle of Rum

Yellow Beards Treasure

You gain a Copy of 'Macho Man'
You gain a Copy of To Sail Beyond the Sunset
You gain 15000 Gold Pieces
You gain an Iron Bling
You gain a Bottle of Rum

Pink Beards Treasure

You gain a Hurt 'em Spell
You gain a Bow
You gain a Dissolution Spell
You gain 14 Arrows
You gain 30 Gold Pieces
You gain a Sharp Sword
You gain 13000 Gold Pieces
You gain an Emerald Bling
You gain a Bottle of Rum

Grey Beards Treasure

You gain a Plan for a Ferry
You gain a Glyph: Air
You gain 4 Magic Beans
You gain 26 Gold Pieces
You gain a Sharp Sword
You gain 21000 Gold Pieces
You gain a Moon Stone Bling 
You gain a Bottle of Rum

Blue Beards Treasure

You gain a Fast Defence Spell
You gain a Pair of Kraken Trainers
You gain 19000 Gold Pieces
You gain a Horizontal Bling
You gain a Bottle of Rum

Maroon Beards Treasure

You gain 25 Gold Pieces
You gain an Earth Wand
You gain a Ruby Slipper
You gain 16000 Gold Pieces
You gain a Vertical Bling
You gain a Bottle of Rum

Pink Beards Treasure

You gain a Copy of Podkayne of Mars
You gain a Pocus
You gain 6000 Gold Pieces
You gain a Mercury Bling
You gain a Bottle of Rum

Green Beards Treasure

You gain a Water Sword
You gain a Fire Wand
You gain 27 Gold Pieces
You gain 5000 Gold Pieces
You gain a Ghastly Bling
You gain a Bottle of Rum

Lavender Beards Treasure

You gain a Can of Wyrms.
You gain a Pair of Kraken Trainers.
You gain 7000 Gold Pieces. 
You gain a Mercury Bling.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.

Gold Beards Treasure

You gain a Copy of 'Where Is My Man'
You gain a Copy of 'Lady Marmalade'
You gain 21000 Gold Pieces
You gain a Ghastly Bling
You gain a Bottle of Rum

Monster Kills

Musical Tar

You slay the Huge Living Tar.
You gain 2 Annoyances.
You gain 2 Copies of 'It's a Sin'.
You gain 2 Records.
You gain 2 Night Sticks.
You gain 60 Gold Pieces.
You gain 2 Cruel Blades.
You gain 2 Tars.

Well heeled Ice Dragon

You slay the Ice Dragon.
You gain a Mug of Coffee (proper).
You gain a Dragon Blood.
You gain 2 Sheets of Paper.
You gain a Mysterious Envelope.
You gain 226 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Possibility.

Asbos with the complete set

You slay the Asbo.
You gain 3 Fire Crackers.
You gain a Mug of Coffee (proper).
You gain a D6.
You gain a More-Compressed Earth Spell.
You gain 5289 Gold Pieces.
You gain an Exotic Cocktail.
You gain a Barbelith Talisman.
You gain a Vorpal Blade.
You gain a Fire Talisman.
You gain 2 Short Strings.
You gain a D8.
You gain a Calendar.
You gain a Fire Stone.
You gain a Mysterious Envelope.
You gain 6 Palantirs-as-you-go.
You gain a Glass Sword.
You gain a Rusty Sword.

Best armed sparrow

All because I couldn't be bothered taking off my ghastly bling...

You slay the Sparrow.
You gain 61 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Glass Sword.
You gain a Feather.

Big Pheonixes

A full suit of armour, 4 iron blings and 4 major healing blings and a broken Earthsword 2 got me to here on one set of hit points.

You attack the Pheonix (gen. 35).
You cause 2 points of damage, and receive 1192 experience.
The Phoenix regenerates, stronger than ever.
The Pheonix (gen. 36) causes 126 points of damage.

At this stage, it was time to visit the healer... 596 damage / hit???

A leech brought me to my equal highest generation

You attack the Pheonix (gen. 39).
You cause 2 points of damage, and receive 1484 experience.
The leech is sated!
You lose a Leech.
The Phoenix regenerates, stronger than ever. 
Your Bronze Vambrace absorbs 260 damage.
The Pheonix (gen. 40) causes 104 points of damage.
The Pheonix (gen. 40) causes 156 points of damage.

OWWW! Thats 781 without bling & armour!

They don't regenerate quickly after level 41

The Pheonix (gen. 42) causes 172 points of damage.

Oww! Quit it! Thats four times to the healer since 35....

Your Bascinet absorbs 315 damage.

AARRRGH! Who said armour wasn't worth it??? 946 damage at level 44... If I lose my armour or bling, I'm toast! OK, I'm stopping at 45...

Did I get anything good?

You attack the Pheonix (gen. 45).
You cause 450 points of damage, and receive 445950 experience.
You slay the Pheonix (gen. 45).
You gain 4 Mugs of Coffee (proper).
You gain 4 Air Wands.
You gain 3 Doses of Magic Powder.
You gain a Sheet of Paper.
You gain 132 Units of Charcoal.
You gain a Breakfast Bar.
You gain 2 Badges.
You gain an Earth Talisman.
You gain a Wand of Illusion.
You gain an Empty Mug.
You gain a Clean Bandage.
You gain 2 Bull Whips.
You gain a Short Bow.
You gain 3 Earth Wands.
You gain 6 Spikey Ninja Throwing Stars.
You gain 3 Pieces of Chalk.
You gain 946 Phoenix Feathers.
You gain a Climbing Gear.
You gain 6 Arrows.
You gain a Can of Worms.
You gain an Air Stone.
You gain 4 Water Wands.
You gain 2 Breakfast Clubs.
You gain a Rainbow Blade.
You gain 105869 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Magic Bean.
You gain a Big Piece of Chalk.
You gain 2 Sets of Water Wings.
You gain a Fire Talisman.
You gain 2 Fire Wands.
You gain 6 Short Strings.
You gain 2 Earth Stones.
You gain a Pair of Firefly Trainers.
You gain an Air Talisman.
You gain a Water Talisman.
You gain a Cloak of Invisibility.
You gain a Mug of Coffee (decaf).
You gain a Bottle of Kahlua.

Not really, although the cash was nice and I can always find a use for a rainbow blade... No record though, which is what I was hoping for...

New record

At level 48:

You attack the Pheonix (gen. 48).
You cause 256 points of damage, and receive 289024 experience.
Catalyst attacks the Pheonix (gen. 48) for 10 damage.
Your Iron Bling has worn out.
You lose an Iron Bling.
The Pheonix (gen. 48) causes 141 points of damage.

Thats well over a thousand a hit and now I'm down to 6 blings... This will hurt.

You attack the Pheonix (gen. 51).
You cause 2 points of damage, and receive 2552 experience.

So ... 1226 / hit

You attack the Pheonix (gen. 55).
You cause 64 points of damage, and receive 95104 experience.
Your Bronze Scale Armour absorbs 495 damage.
The Pheonix (gen. 55) causes 141 points of damage.

Eeep.

You attack the Pheonix (gen. 62).
You cause 96 points of damage, and receive 181632 experience.

1892 damage / hit

Your Bronze Scale Armour absorbs 693 damage.
The Pheonix (gen. 65) causes 198 points of damage.

My you're a big pheonix. You hit hard too. Now where'd I put that hammer.

You attack the Pheonix (gen. 65).
You cause 640 points of damage, and receive 1331840 experience.
Rockin' attacks the Pheonix (gen. 65) for 10 damage.
You slay the Pheonix (gen. 65).
You gain a Mug of Coffee (proper).
You gain 8 Air Wands.
You gain 3 Bows.
You gain 192 Units of Charcoal.
You gain 2 Mall Talismans.
You gain a Card: The Hermit.
You gain a Broad Sword.
You gain 2 Clocks of Invisibility.
You gain a Copy of 'Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)'.
You gain 5 Spikey Ninja Throwing Stars.
You gain 2 Earth Wands.
You gain a Small Map.
You gain 2016 Phoenix Feathers.
You gain 3 Pieces of Chalk.
You gain 2 Climbing Gear Sets.
You gain a Short Sword.
You gain 4 Arrows.
You gain 2 Cans of Worms.
You gain a Card: The Tower.
You gain 3 Water Wands.
You gain a Breakfast Club.
You gain a Fire Knife.
You gain a Sacrificial Sword.
You gain a Field Glasses.
You gain 2 Magic Beans.
You gain a Contract Palantir.
You gain 217537 Gold Pieces.
You gain 2 D20s.
You gain a Big Piece of Chalk.
You gain a Morning Star.
You gain an Accordion.
You gain 2 Pairs of Magic Boots.
You gain a Set of Water Wings.
You gain a Copy of 'Love at First Sight'.
You gain a Fire Talisman.
You gain 2 Fire Wands.
You gain a Walking Stick.
You gain 6 Short Strings.
You gain a Map.
You gain a Water Stone.
You gain 2 Night Sticks.
You gain a Card: The World.
You gain a Magic Emerald.
You gain a Dibs Wand.
You gain a Piece of Red Chalk.
You gain a Huge Fire Cracker.
You gain 4 Plowshares.
You gain 3 Cloaks of Invisibility.
You gain 2 Mugs of Coffee (decaf).
You gain a Fire Stone.
You gain 2 Glass Swords.

Musical Tar Babys

You slay the Tar Baby.
You gain a Record.
You gain a Vorpal Blade.
You gain 2 Fire Wands.
You gain 273 Gold Pieces.
You gain 2 Earth Stones.
You gain a Morning Star.
You gain 2 Pairs of Magic Boots.

Flaming Angels

You slay the Huge Mutant Angel.
You gain 3 Mugs of Coffee (proper).
You gain 3 Earth Talismans.
You gain 3 Fire Wands.
You gain 441 Gold Pieces.
You gain 3 Air Stones.
You gain 3 Fire Swords.

Glass swordy goodness

You attack the Huge Mutant Rock Troll.
You wrap the Huge Mutant Rock Troll in paper. Surprisingly, that kills it. The paper is ruined. 
You lose a Sheet of Paper.
You slay the Huge Mutant Rock Troll.
You gain 4 Broad Swords.
You gain 392 Gold Pieces.
You gain 8 Stones.
You gain 4 Glass Swords.

Highest generation post upgrade phoenix

I probably could have gone further but if I lost the armour or even 1 of the iron blings, that was 700hp / hit.

You attack the Pheonix (gen. 40).
You cause 400 points of damage, and receive 312400 experience.
You slay the Pheonix (gen. 40).
You gain 7 Mugs of Coffee (proper).
You gain an Air Wand.
You gain a Bow.
You gain 117 Units of Charcoal.
You gain a Magic Bean.
You gain 83845 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Field Glasses.
You gain a Sacrificial Sword.
You gain a Big Piece of Chalk.
You gain a Mall Talisman.
You gain a Breakfast Bar.
You gain 2 Cards: The Hermit.
You gain 2 Sets of Water Wings.
You gain 2 Pairs of Magic Boots.
You gain a Harmonica.
You gain a Pair of Beer Goggles.
You gain an Earth Talisman.
You gain 4 Fire Wands.
You gain a Walking Stick.
You gain a Clean Bandage.
You gain a Daemonic Letter Opener.
You gain a Broad Sword.
You gain a Card: Justice.
You gain a Knife.
You gain a Spikey Ninja Throwing Star.
You gain 3 Pieces of Chalk.
You gain 741 Phoenix Feathers.
You gain a Huge Fire Cracker.
You gain a Climbing Gear.
You gain 2 Short Swords.
You gain a Pair of Pointy Boots.
You gain a Cloak of Invisibility.
You gain 8 Mugs of Coffee (decaf).
You gain a Card: The Hierophant.
You gain a Can of Worms.
You gain a Magic Opal.
You gain a Breakfast Club.

Worlds best armed Undine

So, there I was, minding my own business waiting for my field to grow, chewing some grass when an Undine stuck its head of the lake next to me. Strange lookin' fella. Quick as a flash I stabbed him with my rusty sword... Wellll, lookee what we got here!

You slay the Duck-Billed Undine.
You gain 2 Vorpal Blades.

Killing because I was bored

Just mooching around killing stuff with my ghastly bling on, deciding to depopulate an area of small fry... So, standing on one square, *smack* *smack*... hold on. *Checks history* Woooo!

You attack the Small Paper Mache Golem.
You slay the Small Paper Mache Golem.
You gain a Vorpal Blade.
You attack the Young Rock Troll.
You slay the Young Rock Troll.
You gain a Glass Sword.

Giant Mutant Freaks

Well this bring the stock up...

You slay the Giant Mutant Undine.
You gain 4 Palantirs-as-you-go.
You gain 228 Gold Pieces.
You gain 4 Glass Swords.

Protecting the High Seas

Well.... he had a pirate hat on. Innocent? Um... no.

You feel hard!
You attack the The Innocent Trading Vessel (5 Cannon).
Your Vorpal Blade goes Snicker Snack.
You slay the The Innocent Trading Vessel (1 Cannon).
You add the trophy to your case!
You gain a Pirate Hat.
You gain a Wand of Illusion.
You gain a Treasure Chest.
You gain 20 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Fire Sword.

PolyChromatic Dragon

These guys drop!

You slay the PolyChromatic Dragon.
You add the trophy to your case!
You gain a Copy of 'Vogue'.
You gain a Disguise Kit.
You gain 4000 Gold Pieces.
You gain an Earth Sword.
You gain a Fire Sword.
You gain 2 Water Swords.
You gain 10 Dragon Blood Doses.
You gain a Fire Bow.
You gain a Copy of 'Where Is My Man'.

Heavily Armed Penguins

Happy feet my arse!

You slay the Duck-Billed Penguin.
You gain 178 Gold Pieces.
You gain 2 Glass Swords.
You gain 2 Cards: The High Priestess.

Biggest Rubber Duckie

You attack the Rubber Duckie.
You cause 10000 points of damage, and receive 330000 experience.
You lose a Glass Sword.
Your glass sword shatters!
The Rubber Duckie misses you.
...
You slay the Rubber Duckie.
You gain 4 Fountain Pens.
You gain 2 Xs.
You gain 2 Sheets of Paper.
You gain 2 Killing Blow Spells.
You gain 168 Gold Pieces.
You gain 2 Skip West Spells.
You gain 2 Slings.
You gain 4 Quick Shield Spells.
You gain 2 Illumination Spells.
You gain 2 Pocket Watches.
You gain 2 Rusty Swords.
You gain 2 Clean Bandages.

Best Pinata Ever

You attack the Pinata in a Tree.
You cause 1 points of damage, and receive 0 experience.
You slay the Pinata in a Tree.
You gain a Fire Cracker.
You gain 2 Sheets of Paper.
You gain 165 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Field Glasses.
You gain a Can of Worms.
You gain a Glass Sword.
You gain a Clean Bandage.
It was full of cool stuff!

Best Eagle Ever

You slay the Eagle.
You gain a Knife.
You gain a Sheet of Paper.
You gain a Vorpal Blade.
You gain 181 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Glass Sword.
You gain 10 Feathers.

Best ThunderBird Ever

I have no idea what he was doing with it in the middle of the Great Desert but:

You slay the Thunder Bird.
You gain a Knife.
You gain a Fiddle.
You gain 139 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Glass Sword.
You gain 5 Feathers.

A few hours later ... the long awaited Summon Stone...

You slay the Thunder Bird.
You gain a Summon Stone.
You gain a Record.
You gain a Mug of Coffee.
You gain 88 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Lance.
You gain 5 Feathers.

Are you sure it was a baby???

This Tar Baby just kept on giving...

You slay the Tar Baby.
You gain a Brave Star.
You gain 2 Doses of Magic Powder.
You gain 304 Gold Pieces.
You gain an Earth Wand.
You gain a Pair of Magic Boots.
You gain a Fire Talisman.
You gain a Mug of Coffee.
You gain 2 Tars.

My First Pheonix

I could have kept going but I needed Croc scales...

You attack the Pheonix (gen. 9).
You cause 10 points of damage, and receive 90 experience.
You slay the Pheonix (gen. 9).
You gain 3 Fire Crackers.
You gain 24 Units of Charcoal.
You gain a Water Talisman.
You gain 4539 Gold Pieces.
You gain an Empty Mug.
You gain 28 Phoenix Feathers.

Lost Spirit? Should have opened his envelope!

The star sticks in the Lost Spirit!
You lose a Spikey Ninja Throwing Star.
You slay the Lost Spirit.
You gain a Pair of Scissors.
You gain a D12.
You gain 195 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Mysterious Envelope.
You gain a Spikey Ninja Throwing Star.
You gain an Earth Stone.
You gain a Clean Bandage.

Lots of stuff in the Mud!

You slay the Mud Man.
You gain an Air Sword.
You gain 10 Units of Sand.
You gain 10 Muds.
You gain 138 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Copy of Time for the Stars.
You gain 5 Stones.
You gain 10 Pieces of Wood.
You gain a Piece of Ancient Wood.
You gain a Copy of 'Love at First Sight'.
You gain a Mug of Coffee (decaf).
You gain a Card: The Tower.
You gain a Can of Red Bull.
You gain a Water Wand.

Undead Dragon II

I didn't record my first kill of the Undead Dragon so I was honourbound to break out the bound Merz Bow and do it again for my adoring public.

You slay the Undead Dragon.
You gain 5 Dragon Blood Doses.
You gain a Mug of Coffee (decaf).
You gain 48 Arrows.
You gain a Dragon Stone.
You gain 28 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Fire Sword.

The Giant

My first trip to the giant...

You attack the The Giant.
Your Vorpal Blade goes Snicker Snack.
You slay the The Giant.
You gain 10000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Copy of Job: A Comedy of Justice.
You gain a Spirit Sword.

and again...

Your Vorpal Blade goes Snicker Snack.
Your Vorpal Blade (15 91%) has worn out.
You lose a Vorpal Blade.
You slay the The Giant.
You gain 10000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Copy of 'Man! I Feel Like A Woman!'.
You gain a Spirit Sword.

Good thing I have another 7 vorpal blades...

and again ...

Your Vorpal Blade goes Snicker Snack.
You slay the The Giant.
You gain a Stall Permit (11 items).
You gain 10000 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Silver Sword.
You gain a Spirit Sword.

Garter Snake

This baby lives on the great plains and does 0! damage. He had some loot though:

You slay the Garter Snake.
You gain 196 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Snake Skin.
You gain 2 Glass Swords.
You gain a Small Map.

Beware Omar the Troll!

Bastard is uping the stakes in weaponry. Attack at your own risk!

You slay Omar the Troll.
You gain a Vorpal Blade.
You gain 95 Gold Pieces.

Evil Thief

You slay the Thief.
You add the trophy to your case!
You gain 2 Fire Crackers.
You gain a Night Stick.
You gain a Water Talisman.
You gain 660 Gold Pieces.
You gain 2 Field Glasses.
You gain a Sword of Omens.
You gain a Sharp Sword.
You gain an Earth Bow.
You gain a Mug of Coffee (decaf).
You gain 14 Arrows.
You gain a Copy of Variable Star.
You gain a Clean Bandage.

Stone Cold Club

Saw this little gang. Yeah, I'll tag stuff!

You join the Stone Cold Gang.
You must now help prove the Stone Colders are number one.
This is done by chalking up tags to inspire fear in your enemies
(whoever they are, it's not very clear). Come back if you need more chalk.

Nerd Nervana

You feel a bit better. Damn caffeine tolerance.
100 cups of coffee. You enter a state of perfect caffination.

My First Substance Abuse

It is by will alone I set my mind in motion
It is by the juice of saphoo
The thoughts aquire speed
The lips aquire stains
The stains become a warning
It is by will alone I set my mind in motion
You lose 7 Grams of Spice.
You gain 560 AP.

My First Song...

You practice the Accordion.
You're a fairly talented musician.
You say 'I've paid my stones... time after time...'
You say 'Gathered Herbs ... but committed no crime...'
You say 'I've made some sandwiches ... I've made a few'
You say 'I've had my share of dragons kicked in my face ... but I've come thrrrrooough...'

Single along with Simon the Parrot

You sing 'IsSssn't the gobLin ZSssSwEeht?'
Simon the Parrot says 'IsSssn't the gobLin ZSssSwEeht?'.
Simon the Parrot says 'IsSssn't the gobLin ZSssSwEeht?'.
Simon the Parrot says 'IsSssn't the gobLin ZSssSwEeht?'.
Simon the Parrot says 'IsSssn't the gobLin ZSssSwEeht?'.
Simon the Parrot says 'IsSssn't the gobLin ZSssSwEeht?'.
You sing 'yooOou tawkeh oneh daown, awnd pahssZSssS it araOoouhhund!'
Simon the Parrot says 'yooOou tawkeh oneh daown, awnd pahssZSssS it araOoouhhund!'.
Simon the Parrot says 'yooOou tawkeh oneh daown, awnd pahssZSssS it araOoouhhund!'.
Simon the Parrot says 'yooOou tawkeh oneh daown, awnd pahssZSssS it araOoouhhund!'.
Simon the Parrot says 'yooOou tawkeh oneh daown, awnd pahssZSssS it araOoouhhund!'.
Simon the Parrot says 'yooOou tawkeh oneh daown, awnd pahssZSssS it araOoouhhund!'.
Simon the Parrot says 'yooOou tawkeh oneh daown, awnd pahssZSssS it araOoouhhund!'.
Simon the Parrot says 'yooOou tawkeh oneh daown, awnd pahssZSssS it araOoouhhund!'.
Simon the Parrot says 'yooOou tawkeh oneh daown, awnd pahssZSssS it araOoouhhund!'.
Simon the Parrot says 'yooOou tawkeh oneh daown, awnd pahssZSssS it araOoouhhund!'.
Simon the Parrot says 'yooOou tawkeh oneh daown, awnd pahssZSssS it araOoouhhund!'.
Simon the Parrot says 'yooOou tawkeh oneh daown, awnd pahssZSssS it araOoouhhund!'.
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