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Page o'Unfinishedness

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Quest Log

Smelly Pete (Dirty Gerald): His mother was somewhere awfully convenient I don't remember. Had something to to with the Crawl. Father was in Gobblets bar, Water City.

Harvey's Farm: Baby Hippy. I took him to Woodstock.

Apple Pips: I'm a Salamander! Um, hooray?

Ghost Hunter's Guild: Complete. Yay, me! Too bad I used up my magic beans trying to grow a beanstalk. :(

Thief Training: Finally done! List of snacks: Flying fish, loaf of bread (at least it wasn't a sandwich!), cod, loaf of bread, cucumber sandwich, bottle of wine, loaf of bread (again), plum pie (!), jar of plum jam, eel, slice of toast, gram of spice!, slice of toast (again), cod (again)

Ninja Training: Finally done, praise the 'King!

  • Brunch Punch training wasn't too bad. The only big requests were for a glass sword, a light sabre, and a vorpal blade.
  • Painful Punch was another matter: hard and pointy stick, lance, golden gun, arrow, elf arrow, spikey ninja throwing star, light sabre (again), elf arrow (again), golden gun (again), repeating bow (had never even seen one of those!), repeating bow (should have bought two), Dawn Horn (the only hourly item I didn't still have--I hate clock quests!), merz bow, repeating bow AGAIN! I hate this guy.

Advanced Ninja Training: Naturally becomes available the moment I leave the sewers and boast about being overprepared. Looks like I've got some more pizza-baking to do. (Naturally I haven't followed up on this at all, as of introduction of the Poison Hand.)

Poison Hand: Well, it started out fun. Got a bit annoying towards the end, though. Found Count Dante halfway through my second sweep, at 64E 16N. He trained me in these moves:

Origami Ogre Hold
Bat Stance
Small Scissor Beast Punch --Apparently I'm cowardly because my hamster tried to cuddle it?
Earth Worm Nerve Pinch --Call me strange, but this actually sounds pretty cool!
Quite Small Asteroid Nerve Pinch --My brain hurts trying to visualize this one...
Wolf Crouch
Goat Jab
Really Large Asteroid Punch --Oh, come on!
Badger Strike
Small Earth Dragon Hold
GNU Crouch
Arctic Undine Nerve Pinch
Young Rock Troll Punch
Small Paper Mache Golem Nerve Pinch
Cow Jab --Really? How hard can that be?
Desert Fox Crouch
Triffid Crouch
Toad Crouch
Squirrel Stance
Eagle Nerve Pinch
Slow Worm Nerve Pinch
Rattle Snake Hold --This seems slightly dangerous.
Sgt. Duke Scrumbucket MD Crouch --Just guess which variety of mimic this was.
  (Hint: It took me three tries to find the right one.)
Gygax Hold --Ah! A secret dice-rolling technique?
Tar Baby Kick
Roc Jab
Glow Worm Punch
Scissor Beast Punch
Python Kick
Coral Snake Hold --That's four snakes now. Getting a bit annoyed here.

Somehow I managed not to get poisoned once while on this quest. <beat> I also find it very odd that I didn't know the Sgt. Duke Scrumbucket MD Crouch already.

Mixology: Complete! Did the first three one by one at the Booze Fest, then decided to get the ingredients and do them all at once. Easy enough until I started "bloinking" at mix 20. And "crashing" at mix 23. Also, I seem to be trying to commit suicide by singing with a double-strength headache. I think I had three songs going at once at one point. Still, very fun! Don't think I'll be capable of anything constructive for a while now. :)

Pandora's Socks: Lots of fun. Decided to hold a scavenger hunt, so I cleared out a nice space in the Thieves Forest for the slime. Chuckled to myself as I started to put on the socks (yes, I'm easily amused), only to find myself thrown through an evil hole in space! Evil! Slime ended up at the edge of the Great Desert and was cleared up in what must be record time (<5 min!). I suspect Duke Gretchin MD, near the Great Desert, using a... variety of deadly weapons? (Suspicion confirmed. Thanks, Gretchin!)

Round 2: Found a nice spot for my slime in the Catacombs. Always have been curious how closely user pages are watched, so waited a few days to put up an announcement. (Took about a week, and a subtle hint to search the wiki. Thanks, Cor!) Note: Socks will throw you from Oz to the 'Kingdom. Grr.
Round 3: Used the socks as a shortcut from Neutral Space back to the 'Kingdom. Whee! Generated slime in a spot very near a high-traffic area. We'll see how long it takes this time.
Cleared about six hours ago, so... two weeks! The location was the top level of Harvey's multi-storey carp ark. Later: It took another full month after that to find out who to thank. Thanks, Domentzia! (And to Syagrius, who told me.)
Round 4: Got bored and released the slime at the party. Actually took longer than Round 1, something like 30 minutes.
Round 5: Spilled the slime on a black beach. It was gone within two hours. Next time I should try the Garden.

Northern Quests:

  • Valhalla, Etc.: Got most of the basic materials during my spice binge. Later: Had it with my Cornucopia today. It has now produced the last mug of decaf coffee it ever will. Blew the Horn of Heimdall at 44E 140N, and the Fenris Wolf is no more.
  • The Horsie Genome Project: Need glyphs. And jelly.

Totems: All done. Woohoo! For some reason, I didn't think it was likely I would actually need a giant snowball while I was in the North and could get one *sob*. Required at a strangely appropriate totem, though. I did learn from this, and almost missed the space elevator so I could forage a rodden berry. Then I forgot to put it in the bag, and a tribble ate it two steps after I left the elevator. And yes, I needed it. *grr*

-> Bull (Perl)
-> Air Dragon (5 Iron)
-> Sylph (Measure of Serenity)
-> Worm (Tribble)
-> Lion (Coconut)
-> Eagle (Orange)
-> Water Dragon (4 Iron)
-> Fire Fox (Rattle)
-> Phoenix (Copy of Battlefield Earth)
-> Roc (Issue)
-> Fire Dragon (Daemonic Letter Opener)
-> Triffid (Pomegranate)
-> Penguin (Giant Snowball)
-> Thunderbird (Lemon)
-> Crocodile (Can of Wyrms)
-> Gnome (Degree of Enlightenment)
-> Glow Worm (Toy Unicorn)
-> Toad (Rodden Berry)
-> Undine (Pint of Fairy Liquid)
-> GNU (Lime)
-> Sparrow (Power Crystal)
-> Earth Dragon (7 Iron)
-> Angel (Pineapple)
-> Salamander (Gram of Fairy Dust)

Military Service: Only one left--the mysterious kangaroo. Where can I find one? Kangaroo. (Sorry!)

Jason was surprisingly easy to find. Killed a golfer, came back a few hours later, and there was a Jason one square over. Headed south looking for a khadi, and there was another. The khadi remains elusive. Update: Found two more Jasons before I saw a single khadi.

Paparazzi: Otherwise known as the "Goddammit, I was just there!" quest. Happened three times. Pandora once and returning the film twice (in five minutes!) due to misremembering where the Gallery was.

The Underground Altars: 1 left.

  • Air: Done a long time ago. I like killing minotaurs.
  • Fire: Done with a pile of Holiday Island AP. Love killing them giant mutant crocs. Altar was guarded by a giant living tar. It was a surprisingly effective final guardian, with significant damage and enough health to be really annoying to kill but not enough to waste a glass sword on. Spilled some slime while I was down there. Oops.
  • Water: Was way overprepared for this one. Caught one sickness the whole time I was down there. Dianogas are still bloody annoying what with pulling you all over the place, but I think I found the key to dealing with them. Dianoga, meet Watson. He's a troll.

Armour Training: All done, finally. I have a bad habit of carrying around cakes for months at a time. Not good when you also breed tribbles. I won't go into details, but I will say that fruitcakes were eaten.

Musical Training: I rock, and am still improving! If only real music was this easy...

  • Pop Idol: Done about the time I first did Pandora's Socks.
  • Open Mic Night: TONS of fun. Great Lord Yendor taught me a hornpipe and a country dance tune! Can't wait for the next one.
  • Devil Went Down to Cities: I took pity on the Devil and gave him a Solid Gold Fiddle. Twice.


  • Aromatic Herbs: Done so long ago I don't even remember it.
  • Toxicology: Oh yeah. Pulled me out of retirement, it did!

The Ultimate Altars: 2 left.

  • The Vents: I now have over five and a half years of shaky flakes for Tiger due to my unwilligness to hit Max AP in this quest. The only event of any interest was a week-long game of Hat Tag with the Prince of Wales, and later Abraham Lincoln.
Circumnavigations: 1 (Cities Festival), 2 for fun.
  • The Taxing Cellars: Naturally was announced mere days after I blew all my cash on art supplies. Fortunately, I apparently had the largest collection of Stones in the world and was able to make a killin' offa them in the auc-- *ahem*. After elaborate preparation I went and used up all my rusty swords before I went in. Disaster was narrowly averted, but it did cost me a glass sword and two NightingHurricane spells. Not that I mind since I picked up six more glass swords while I was in there, one from a minotaur, and five from bats! Also managed to spade three more squares, yay me!
Aggregation: Stuffed a bunch of stuff in it, but ran out pretty quick. Looks like it likes booze.

Southern Quests:

  • Piano Delivery: Finished raising my third Elephant only to realize the first died only hours short of maturity. Luckily was able to trade for the missing Ivory. Now I just need a way to tune the thing... oh wait, I finished this months ago! (I really need to update this more often.)

Cure Poison: Closing in on the goal. The number is... 49.

Quantum Mechanic: May I just take a moment to point out how amazingly awesome Monofilament Knitting Needles are?

Tube Quests: Ignored advice and did both simultaneously. It's not so bad, really. It does require a fair bit of babysitting but you can take it at your own pace, unlike some other quests I could mention. Excellent rewards, too--you really appreciate having timetables afterwards!

Drunken Party:

You still need to get these: 1 Bottle of Creme de Cacao, 2 Bottles of Vermouth, 1 Bottle of
Creme de Menthe, 1 Bottle of Tequila, 2 Bottles of Herb Liqueur, 2 Bottles of Triple Sec,
2 Bottles of Saurian Brandy.
Apparently I've been working on this?

Not Really Quests:

  • Career Change: Could become a Smith or Shaman at any time I want. Probably will some day, but I'm having fun as I am right now.
  • Lycanthropy: No, I'm not looking to become a werewolf, thankyouverymuch. It is my sworn duty to eradicate this disease from the realm.
Number cured: This information is restricted due to privacy concerns.
You wrestle on the ground with the hideous wolf-creature.
You rather like it.

Party Games:

  • The Totally Ludicrous Scavenger Hunt: I was only one shilling short! Of course even if you-know-who hadn't won (as was expected) I'm not sure everything in the bag would have actually counted. :)
  • Where In The World Is The Thogistani Army?: Great party game. The competition was tough, there were some real good entries.
  • Dianoga Destruction: Now this was a contest I was ready for! My lovely pets and left-over potions helped me to a 58 kill win. Woohoo!
  • Dragon Slayer: Didn't slay any dragons, but I did donate prizes for the more unusual breeds.
  • Werewolf Hunters Unite: I did my duty. Number and names of the cured have been classified for their protection.

Cities Festival 2008: This festival was the most fun I've had in Cities for a long time. I sadly didn't have time to participate in everything on offer, but what I did have time for was a blast!

  • Royal Race Around the World: I stayed up way too late, but it was totally worth it! My plan was to use Button Masher and liberal quantities of Serenity. I also wanted to use a speeder bike, but didn't have the cash. Total time: 1 hour 23 minutes. (I could have shaved at least 10 minutes off if I had read the directions and knew where the finish line was!) While I was at it, I discovered a new island (Caroline's Island wasn't on the wiki yet, but I'm sure someone must have seen it before I did) and a second Thunderchild. I look forward to exploring some of these areas I just glimpsed in passing on a second, non-timed circumnavigation.
  • Statuesque Beauties and Magnificent Erections: Another extremely fun party game. I ended up spending most of my remaining cash on art supplies, including a Human Liver that got eaten by tribbles. What You Can't See, Kick *This* Down!, and Psst! Wanna Buy Something? won no acclaim, but are still on display in the basement of the Royal Palace.
  • Sert's Treasure Hunt: 2nd place. I am particularly proud of having been able to actually crack the code--I'm no cryptographer! (Looking up the answer on the wiki just didn't seem sporting.)
  • Jousting Extravaganza: Having blown all my money on art supplies, I proceeded to spend as much Glory as possible in the lists. Rock-Paper-Scissors has never been so much fun.
  • The Doomsday Clock: The winners of this contest were scary! I did my duty, but only managed to smash something like 80 pumpkins before it got tedious.
  • Return of the Thogistani Army: I always like these contests. Too bad I didn't enter on time. :( On the other hand, just getting my entry prepared amidst the flying pumpkin bits was quite an accomplishment in itself! :)

Consumption Log

Cucumber Sandwich:0 consumed.21 remaining.
Gorgan-zola Sandwich:2 consumed. +30 HP!4 remaining.
Potion of Accuracy:0 consumed.66 remaining.
Coffee:Perfect caffeination!Current tolerance: 0 AP.
Spice:Full dose, detox.Current tolerance: 12 grams.
Betty Fnord Clinic:1 visit.Invites left: 4

Monster Log

Highest Generation Phoenix: 31 (newstyle!)

Fattest Pig: 23 acorns.

Fattest Flying Pig: 256 acorns.

You attack the Pig.
You cause 256 points of damage, and receive 133632 experience.
You lose a Quarrel.
You attack the Pig.
You cause 256 points of damage, and receive 133632 experience.
You lose a Quarrel.
You attack the Pig.
You cause 175 points of damage, and receive 91350 experience.
You lose a Quarrel.
You slay the Pig.
You gain 13 Quarrels.
You gain 254 Slices of Flying Bacon.

Most Confused Hydra: 68 heads (oldstyle). Managed its growth very carefully, keeping an eye on its HP and my Gold supply. Got it up to 26 heads before realizing that I did not in fact have the Golden Gun I intended to finish it off with. Two Glass Swords would finish it off, but I had already used mine. I had plenty of AP, so I started crafting. The first one turned out beautifully, but the second broke and I was one Ancient Wood short of being able to make another. So yes, I went a little crazy.

  • 25 heads (newstyle) while trying to spade the "new" mechanics.

Thieves: What's the fuss? The size of the Vault is scarier than these fellows. (Although I did get a little worried when one stole two of my three vault keys. *shudder*) edit: Thanks to Thog for pointing out that Vaults have retinal scanners or something. It's so liberating not having to worry about losing my keys!

My First Treeman! Woohoo!

You attack the Treeman.
You lose a Copper Nail.
You cause 20 points of damage, and receive 300 experience.
You slay the Treeman.
You gain a Bowling Permit.
You gain 20 Pieces of Wood.
You gain 15 Pieces of Ancient Wood.

Nice drop. I can see that caravel already. Now that I'm back at the party, I'll have the AP for an axe. Why didn't I think of that before I entered the Thieves Forest?

Me First Pirate! And me first DCS, too! Arr.

You attack the The Gnapster (1 Cannon).
You cause 53 points of damage, and receive 795 experience.
The sword slurps up the life blood...
You lose a Daemonic Great Sword.
You gain a Daemonic Chain Saw.
You slay the The Gnapster (1 Cannon).
You add the trophy to your case!
You gain a Cannon Ball.
You gain an Air Knife.
You gain a Pirate Hat.
You gain a Treasure Chest.
You gain a Copy of 'Relax'.
You gain an Impending Kick Spell.
Now using Fists.

Scurvy blighter started with 5 cannon, but 'twas no match for me golden gun, glass swords, merz bow, daemonic sword, and... kat? I did get one actual cannon shot in there, but yeah, I don't think this battle would make much sense in real life. Or any semi-realistic version thereof in which I might actually be fighting pirates. Um. Yay for treasure chests with useful bling (iron)!

First (and probably last) Goth: Took me three time warps to make him pop up. Was it worth it?

You attack the Goth.
You cause 3 points of damage, and receive 15 experience.
The letter opener slurps up the life blood...
You lose a Daemonic Letter Opener.
You gain a Daemonic Dagger.
You slay the Goth.
You add the trophy to your case!
You gain a Black Eye Liners.
You gain a Mug of Coffee (decaf).
You gain a Glass of Absinthe.
You gain 148 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Map.
You gain a Pint of Cider and Black.
You gain a Black Nail Polish.


Best Pirate Ever!


Pirates Sunk: The Gnapster (x2), The Innocent Trading Vessel (x2), Captain No-Beard (x4), The Dark-Grey Pearl (x2), and one mysterious ship that claimed no name. Total: 11

Sea Monsters Slain: 9 Dolphin, 1 Earth Dragon, 1 Bull, 1 Libran, 1 SMALL AIR DEMON, 1 Holly Tree.

Land Monsters Slain: 15 Dolphin.

Kill List

Livestock: Cow / Kitten Sheep Goat Mountain Goat Pig Chicken Goth

Dragons: Small Earth Dragon Small Air Dragon Small Water Dragon Small Fire Dragon Earth Dragon Air Dragon Water Dragon Fire Dragon Undead Dragon Nightmare Dragon (*shudder*) Small Ice Dragon Ice Dragon Polychromatic Dragon* Big Water Dragon Big Earth Dragon Big Air Dragon Big Ice Dragon Big Fire Dragon

Thieves Forest: Squirrel Ninja Treeman Giant Spider (hostile) Thief (normal) Thief (big) Brute Squad Badger Bodger

Cloud Land: Loucee Pig (flying) The Giant

Ignatz's Retreat: Booze Hound

The Plains: Snake research program and top of the league for each species all captured in one sitting!

Frozen North: Arctic Undine Frozen Undine Aurora Borealis Aurora Boreanaz Ice Camel Ice warrior King Penguin Lemmings Polar Bear Tauntaun Tundra Troll Yeti Zebra Blizzard Woolly Mammoth Mink Glacier Fox Moose Møøse Cold Angry Tundra Troll

Oz: Morrissey Duck-Billed vermin Koala Killer Koala Golfer Jason Khadi Grue* Feral Cat (Duck Filled Fatty Puss) Skippy Asbos Finger Mouse Mötley Grüe* Coca-Koala So Solid Grue* Aquarian Arian Cancerian Capricornian Geminian Leonian Libran Piscean Sagittarian Scorpio Taurean Virgoan Dimensional Shambler Witch

Earthly Ocean: Giant Clam Kraken Gulls Skull Gulls Shark Sea Lion Whale* Pirate Manatee Plankton Dolphin

Alternate Ocean: Shrimp

Monster Island: Mirror Monster Downer Big Downer Hydra

The Mines: Rocky Horror Hista Bloody Big Bat

Space: Space Monster Space Ghost Space Invader* Asteroids (all sizes) Earth Worm Tribble* (the little cannibals deserved it--THEY ATE MY RODDEN BERRY!)

The Sewers: Dianoga Adolescent Tortoise (Donatello Michelangelo Leonardo Raphael) Sewer Rat Alligator Gas Thick Gas

Oz Interior: Morpheus Venemous Eye Head Hunter Vorder Man Tripod (disabled, of course)

The Lost World: Acceleraptors Displaciraptors Velociraptors Jigsaur Jigsaur Piece Coldsaur Runningsaur Pterryanodon CSaur Whatthebutlersaur C++Saur

Trees: Ash Tree Hazel Tree Holly Tree Oak Tree Walnut Tree Willow Tree Yew Tree Rubber Tree Ebony Tree

Sniffleheim: Zu Warrior Zu Warrior Zu Warrior Frost Giant Zu Warrior

*Varied alignments, or unusual appearance that can't be properly reproduced here

Odd Drops

What kind of Angel was that?

You attack the Angel.
You cause 30 points of damage, and receive 150 experience.
You slay the Angel.
You gain a Bottle of Rum.
You gain 117 Gold Pieces.
You gain an Accordion.

What kind of farm is this?

You slay the Goat.
You gain an Ooh.
You gain 3 Goat Horns.
You gain a Gruff.

(Do I really want to know the answer?)

Probably not. How much lead have you got on you? Darksatanic 21:28, 8 June 2007 (BST)

I love multiplied drops!

You attack the Huge Mutant Fire Fox.
You cause 2 points of damage, and receive 32 experience.
You slay the Huge Mutant Fire Fox.
You gain 4 Cloaks of Invisibility.
You gain 200 Gold Pieces.
You gain 4 Cards: The Wheel of Fortune.
You gain 4 Mysterious Envelopes.

Seal-Clubbing for Fun and Profit

You attack the Cute Seal.
You cause 20 points of damage, and receive 20 experience.
You slay the Cute Seal.
You gain a Seal Pelt.
You gain 72 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Glass Sword.

Just because it's cute doesn't mean it's not a killer.


You attack the Eating Tortoise.
You cause 129 points of damage, and receive 1290 experience.
You slay the Eating Tortoise.
You gain a Record.
You gain 16 Gold Pieces.
You gain 2 Sais.
You gain a Water Wand.

I already had five, but this is the first I've even heard of one dropping since the Great Party Nerf!

Might Want to Check That RNG

You attack the Bat.
You cause 16 points of damage, and receive 32 experience.
Spot attacks the Bat for 4 damage.
You slay the Bat.
You gain 34 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Glass Sword.

Immediately followed by:

You attack the Bat.
You cause 16 points of damage, and receive 32 experience.
Spot attacks the Bat for 4 damage.
You slay the Bat.
You gain 34 Gold Pieces.
You gain a Glass Sword.

...and again. And again. And once more for good measure just when I thought it was safely over with.

I Win!

You attack the Morpheus.
You cause 9980 points of damage, and receive 249500 experience.
You lose a Glass Sword.
Your glass sword shatters!
You slay the Morpheus.
You gain a Copy of 'Love at First Sight'.
You gain a Red Pill.
You gain a Wellbeing Spell.
You gain a Blue Pill.
You gain a Copy of 'You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)'.
You gain an Augers Aim Spell.

The Wizardry path just became a bit more tempting.


Tiger GoldfishElite!I think he was elite for several months before I noticed. :D
Kitty FerretElite!
Currently Dead
Leveled while hunting Crocodile in the Interior. I gotta start paying attention when they get so close.

Died while I was moving. *sigh*

Fluffy Big KatElite!Apparently leveled on an Innocent Trading Vessel while I wasn't paying attention.
Anub'arak Giant Dung BeetleDeadly
Pharoh-moth Giant Dung BeetleDeadlyMy most recent acquisition. Got him before it was known Dung Beetles grew to be Giant. Lucky I had so many other pets--these guys are ravenous!
Watson TrollElite!
Currently Dead
Best pet ever. I might get another if I decide I can spend enough time hunting Loucee. Was Elite for 2 hours before I noticed. Levelled on a Hungry Ghost I was trying to hit with a Spirit Catcher. Got down to 0% fullness twice. This is getting to be a bad habit.

Died while I was moving. Resurrection is tempting, but 1% chance of certain death? Maybe I should replace him instead.

Spot Sea HorsieCompetent
1% Evil!
Poor Spot. I got him from a Chit so he should be one of my oldest pets, but I accidentally let him starve to death. Twice. Why is it so hard to feed this guy? I have no problem keeping my other pets alive. :(
Was brought back in the Zombie Pet Incident just in time for jousting. Yay!
Chi HamsterAbove AverageIt came from Outer Space! Seriously, Chi was delivered to me by wormhole. That alone totally makes up for his habit of nuzzling opponents instead of attacking them.
Aylee DragonMostly HarmlessWon from one of the contests at Thog's Birthday Party. (placeholder for genetics) I died (horribly stupidly) only one week after I got her, so no more training (for now, I hope). :(

Mated Spot to Osk January 9, 2008. Speculation on the effects of an evil parent on its offspring is rife.

Deadliest Leech Trained: 1024 damage.


I'm a sucker. All someone has to do is say, "Look! These electrons represent an imaginary animal! Here you go, have fun." and blam! --I'm bonded. I fuss over my new pet, cheer it on as it advances in experience, lecture it when it misbehaves (eg: missing 5 times in a row), feel guilty when I don't exercise it enough (leaving it at max AP), and feel terrible when/if it eventually dies. Even if it's a Mayfly that was only supposed to live for a day anyway.

There is no in-game advantage to using Mayflies at all. They deal perhaps 5 damage over the course of a lifetime, an amount any but the newest of Cityzens could exceed in a single AP. The only other thing they "do" is generate corpses, and there isn't any use for those. (So far. I've still got my hopes.) Hmph.

Now that I've let that rant out of my system, I'll go back to hatching them anyway.

Most Interesting Life: Midge, my first Mayfly ever, spent her entire life in Cloudland, managing to sample the blood of 5 exotic creatures: a Small Earth Dragon, a Loucee, a Flying Pig, The Giant, and something else I'm afraid I've forgotten. Was resurrected in the Zombie Pet Incident but was out of AP.

Best Team: Madge and Missy both hit the same Eating Tortoise at the same time for a whopping 2 damage. Woohoo! Madge also bit a Bat and a Dianoga, while Missy earned the prize for Most Ferocious Fighter by biting the same Eating Tortoise twice. She bit a Dianoga too. Not so cooperative when they returned to life, failing to bite the same opponent even once.

Highest Achiever/Thought She Was a Termite: When Missy (of Best Team fame) returned from the dead, she showed a distinct preference for wood, biting three Oak Trees and a Giant Spider, for a total (un)lifetime record of 9 XP. Confirmed in her Most Ferocious Fighter title when she bit the last Oak Tree twice.

Lifetime Achievement Award: Goes to Midge, who managed to die at the ripe old age of thirty four weeks due to the Zombie Pet Incident. Runners up: Madge and Missy, who "lived" to be twenty seven weeks old for the same reason.

Total Mayflies Hatched: 26, from living and undead family lines.

The Zombie Pet Incident

Also known as The Great Pet Resurrection. When one of Great Lord Ruthven's experiments went wrong, pets across the 'Kingdom rose from the dead, hungering for... well, whatever they ate before they died. Hilarity ensued.

  • My Acceptance of Mother suddenly turned into a nasty Obsession. The results were nasty indeed: it immediately consumed 153 Kudos and 9 Measures of Serenity! Reimbursement followed soon after, so all ended well. Except for poor Arg, who ended up in the Pet Cemetary before he could get into the Serenity again.
  • Three dead Mayflies (all I had hatched up to that point) returned from the dead, sucking blood, laying eggs, and generally having a right good time the second time round.
  • Spot returned from the dead--again. Just in time for a lovely spate of jousting that cost me half my Glory. I don't regret a moment of it.

Member of the Vengeful Sand Castle Builders Association

I love this place! Where else could I find a group of people willing, nay, eager to help me ferret out the precise mechanics behind the building of virtual sand castles? Thanks, guys! (I probably shouldn't be admitting this out loud, but I'm secretly proud of the fact that a whole new subcategory (pseudo items) was added to the wiki to accomodate the new page.)

However, there are those who seek to pull down our works. Retribution shall be meted out. Oh yes, it will, precioussss.

The List

Remember, Remember the 3rd of November ..or was it the 4th?

 You sense a disturbance in the force... as if Earl Karesto MD had kicked down your sandcastle.

I'm watching you, Karesto!

For Shame!

You sense a disturbance in the force... as if Duke Pageturner MD had kicked down your sandcastle.

And it was such a tiny, defenseless thing. Fie on thee, Duke Pageturner! For shame!


You sense a disturbance in the force... as if Duke silentcook MD had kicked down your sandcastle.

Wha? I thought all my castles had been knocked down already. Retribution shall be waived if Duke silentcook tells me where it was.


You sense a disturbance in the force... as if Duke heyus1 MD had kicked down your sandcastle.

Seriously, where are these sandcastles coming from?

Oi! Stop that!

You sense a disturbance in the force... as if Cpl. Duke sam MD had kicked down your sandcastle.

OK, I think I have one left...

Oh no you DI-int!

You sense a disturbance in the force... as if Duke Guildorn MD had kicked down your sandcastle.

This was my Lost Island castle. VENGEANCE shall be particularly messy.


You sense a disturbance in the force... as if Duke q_ali01 MD had kicked down your sandcastle.

..And that'll be the one on Holiday Island.

(Semi-)Notable Castles

  • Tiny castle built with only one unit of sand. It lasted less than 24 hours. (See "For Shame!", above.)
  • Huge castle built on Lost Island. Despite being completely submerged on a regular basis, it stood for a year and a half. (See "Oh no you DI-int!", above.)
  • Crazy-huge castle built whilst vacationing on Holiday Island. Behaved like a quantum sheep--up to 7 instances coexisted on one stretch of beach before things went back to normal.


No chickens?!? What kind of farm does Lord Harvey run anyway? I require eggs, for I wish to bake a cake! I nearly unleashed WRATH upon the unsuspecting farm, but then calmed myself and quelled my anger. As I meditated, I was reminded of the teachings of the Lorax and found the proper path clear before me. So I killed every animal on the farm (remembering to milk the cows first). And the little sparrow at the entrance, too.

Substance Abuse

It is by will alone I set my mind in motion
It is by the juice of saphoo
The thoughts aquire speed
The lips aquire stains
The stains become a warning
It is by will alone I set my mind in motion
You lose 12 Grams of Spice.
You gain 1260 AP.
Now using Fists.

What to do with all that AP? I decided to see if I could get rid of all the snakes on the plain(s). It might have been possible, but killing snakes got pretty boring after a while. On the positive side, I now have enough bones to feed my new ferret for a month!

Final results: (plains)

  • -1 Fire Sword
  • -1 Fire Catana :(
  • +4 Glass Swords
  • +9 Leaderboards captured :)
  • Poison level: 23 (almost "killed" me twice before I took care of it)

After all that, I still had enough AP to visit Thor, find the North Pole, complete Kirk's magic egg hunt, collect nine coloured scarves, and wander down to Betty Fnord's to check myself in for detox. (Probably should have waited for a few more rounds of spice and caffeination, but that invite has been burning a hole in my pocket ever since I found it as an Earl.) Fun while it lasted, but I need to get some sleep now.

Near-Death Experiences


Playing just to burn AP makes me do stupid things. I got bored fighting this Large Mimic, didn't think I could kill it with my aligned sword without stopping to heal. I had around 70 HP, it had about 280 and was weakly aligned, so I figured using my Cross Bow would be safe enough. Even if by some chance I didn't finish it off, my pets would probably save me. Wrong! I didn't even get my ten attacks in...

You attack the Duke Scrumbucket MD.
You cause 40 points of damage, and receive 4800 experience.
Your weapon gets more ticked off...
You lose a Cross Bow.
You gain an Angry Bow.
Kitty misses the Large Mimic.
Tiger attacks the Large Mimic for 1 damage.
Fluffy misses the Large Mimic.
Spot misses the Large Mimic.
The Duke Scrumbucket MD causes 7 points of damage.
Now using Fists.

I almost turned away from the screen. The coming Cross-and-a-Half Bow retaliation could not be pretty. Then I noticed I wasn't in the Shrine. Apparently when my cross bow upgraded itself, the mimic imitated the weapon I would be using at the end of the turn before I actually used it! Thus, I attacked with a cross bow and was retaliated against with fists (+50%, rounded down). Paradox'd!

The mimic only had 7 HP left, so I killed it with a rusty sword. Two minutes later, I got myself killed by a treeman, but that's another story.

Age-Old Story

Player fights big monster, player pulls out Dragon Stone to heal, player forgets to heal and attacks monster with Dragon Stone. Player usually dies when this happens, but player got lucky.

You attack the Pig.
You cause 32 points of damage, and receive 8832 experience.
The Pig attacks 2 times.
The Pig misses you.
The Pig misses you.

I only had 22 HP. Player was very lucky.

And as tradition demands, player forgot to wear 4 iron blings before attacking it the next day. NOOOOOOOO!


Maybe it's because it's 2:30 in the morning, but I just realized how surreal this game is. I am, at this very moment, driving a tank through the sewers with a slice of pizza in my hand, closely followed by a dung beetle, a ferret, and a goldfish. There's not really anything else to say after that.

Except to make another report. I just noticed that I'm multitasking by levelling my Daemonic weapons, leeches, and Sea Horsie more or less at the same time. Not so strange? Consider the following: I am riding a sea horse in space, attacking lifeless asteroids with blood-sucking leeches and soul-drinking weapons.


Hitting an adolescent tortoise with your daemonic chainsaw.

Fighting your way to the Crocodile totem, getting your talisman ready for the jump to the next one, then breaking it before you rub the totem.

Then finding out you did need that rodden berry your tribbles ate.

Button Masher interpreting an accidental order to wear magic boots 11 times as "wear one pair of boots, then head North 10 times" when you only have 5 AP to spare in getting to your last totem. Which you've already messed up once that same day.

Setting Safe Fight at 20 HP when fighting high-level Pheonices.

Letting your White Elephant starve to death on the thirteenth day.

Having two pets (including an elite troll!) starve to death while deprived of Internet access due to a sudden change of lodgings.

Notable Tribble damage: Vitsee potion (apparently potions are food), rodden berry, bag of walnuts, fruit cake(!) (twice), gram of spice, human liver.

My Heroes

Some people on this game are made of awesome. My heroes, in order of discovery by me, are:

First of all, Cthu1hu just has an awesome name. I wish I had thought of a name like that, but it's probably just as well I didn't since it was already taken anyway. Ahem. Anyway, there was this map-making contest, he (It?) entered with this tres nifty map, and won a boon from the 'King. What did he ask for? R'1yeh. Awesome.

The next set of heroes on this list is a shadowy group only known as The Ex-Presidents. On March 26, 2007, Ex-Presidents Clinton, Reagan, Nixon, and Gorbachev assembled in the Thieves Forest and summoned 'King Elseware and the Council of Great Lords (then consisting of Harvey, Ignatz, Ruthven, and Yendor) to judgement. The Insurgency ultimately failed, but the damage was done: the 'King's beloved pwny Stomp was kidnapped, and two powerful implements of destruction were stolen. After the Ex-Presidents' ransom demands were ignored (or were they?), Stomp appears to have succumbed to Brighthelm Syndrome. The Death Wands now dropped by Harpies were undoubtedly poorly reverse-engineered from one of the stolen items. It is believed that the other, even more powerful weapon, the Cruel Death Wand has been destroyed, but can we ever know for sure?

Finally, there is the unknown individual responsible for writing out the entire text of "The Cat in the Hat" across the Arena--in Gladiators. This endeavor combines artistic genius with incredible dedication. The amount of blood, aligned weaponry, and AP spent in this effort are nothing less than astounding. This is one of my most favorite pieces of public art ever. I have my suspicions as to who the artist is, but cannot be absolutely sure.

Photo Gallery

I've got this camera, maybe I should use it for something.


They're here! THEY'RE HEEEEEERE!


I don't make a very scary-looking dragon.

Hydra Spading

Start with 10000 HP, 1 head. Each head adds one attack (10 dam), X HP

  • X = (hydra's HP immediately following attack that caused new head to grow) / (number of heads hydra had before attack) rounded down

Current Theories: Weapon damage (after multipliers, before alignment bonus) = %chance of head growing. (Note that there may be unknown variables (number of heads, an unknown constant?) adjusting this percentage.) Ravensdance gave me the basics of this theory.

Pets may follow something like my old "threshold" theory, since my Big Kat (100 damage) only caused regeneration on 1st of 5 hits--hydra was at 9967 HP after that hit, but over 10K after subsequent hits.

Gold returned probably goes up with heads, but is definitely NOT 1000GP/head. My last hydra was 25 heads and only gave 16K gold.

Discarded Theories: HP threshold that causes regeneration:

  • Theory 1: 1% of total HP (ex: at 10000 HP, 100 dam causes regen)
  • Theory 2: 1% of single head's HP (total HP / number of heads)
Probably theory 1--verify

When is HP threshold checked?

  • Not individually on each attack. Identical attacks in the same round can have different results.
  • Theory 1: Damage is added up cumulatively. If an attack goes over threshold, add 1 head and reset counter. (Is this what Solune was saying?)
When is threshold recalculated? After each attack? After regeneration? After each turn/round? Or something else I haven't thought of?
  • Theory 2: ...

Also, I guess there's probably 1000 gold pieces per head, plus whatever shows up normally as loot.

Note to Self:

No more dead horse jokes. Please.

The vultures are circling, but please, carrion.  ;) Syagrius 23:26, 1 November 2008 (GMT)

Page is getting long. Consider breaking out subsections. Quests (party games?), Pets/pedigree, Monster log... Everything?

Also maybe cut down on the boring mayfly stuff. It's not like I'm tracking it anymore anyway.

Spending 300 AP gathering sand and getting no shell actually doesn't seem quite so bad when I look at the other stuff I already have under "Suckage".


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